


She is the Sunlight

by AshKnight



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angsty!Lena, F/F, Fluffy bits throughout, Self-Harm, Smutty goodness later on, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:27:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21932980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshKnight/pseuds/AshKnight
Summary: "Kara Danvers was the kind of girl who stayed out of trouble.  ‘Teacher’s pet,’ they called her.  Class president.  Always standing up for what was right.  Lena Luthor, on the other hand, was the kind of girl to light fires over the bathroom rubbish bins ‘for science.’"Supercorp high school AU, in which Kara is the ever-popular class president, and Lena is the broody, beautiful science nerd.  Trigger warnings: self-harm, violence.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 164
Kudos: 699





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Supercorp fic ever, so... go easy on me?
> 
> I wrote this for my fiancé for Christmas so... Merry Christmas, darling! I hope you like where this is going.

Kara Danvers was the kind of girl who stayed out of trouble. 'Teacher's pet,' they called her. Class president. Always standing up for what was right.

Lena Luthor, on the other hand, was the kind of girl to light fires over the bathroom rubbish bins 'for science.'

"What are you doing?" Kara snapped, upon entering the bathroom where the woman in question was burning… something.

"Oh, nothing," Lena answered casually. "Just conducting an experiment."

"An experiment to see how fast you can get expelled?!" Kara shouted. "Put it out!"

"No," Lena replied coolly.

"What are you even burning?"

"It's magnesium powder."

"But why are you burning it?"

"For science."

"Okay, but _why._ "

Now, Kara was just plain curious. Lena hadn't looked up from her experiment.

"You add magnesium powder into a hollow carved in two blocks of dry ice. Then, you insert a lit fuse made of magnesium ribbon. Placing the blocks together seals the magnesium from air. The magnesium burns inside the dry ice, producing a beautiful glow. When the fire is out, what remains is white magnesium oxide and black carbon."

Kara stared at the young woman with a sense of both wonder and confusion. Lena was right. The ice was glowing.

"You're literally using fire in a—"

"Thank you, Hall Monitor. I'm well aware that fire is necessary to create the chemical reaction I'm attempting to produce."

"Well… You have to stop."

Lena laughed – loud and cold.

"And you're going to stop me how?"

Feeling power course through her veins but knowing she couldn't use her abilities on a classmate at school, Kara clenched her fists and gritted her teeth.

"I'm going to get—"

"Do it," Lena dared her. "But don't tell me it's not cool."

Pausing to watch the experiment as the ice continued to glow, Kara hesitated. The bathroom was dark, so the light from the burning magnesium ribbon made Lena's face glow, illuminating her perfectly sculpted features in dim, white light. She was, Kara noticed, quite beautiful.

"Okay, well…" Kara said, after a longer pause than she would've liked to admit she allowed. "I'm still telling."

"You're a fucking senior in high school. Are you seriously going to go tattle to the principal?"

"It's my duty as class president to—"

But Lena's laugh cut her off, rendering her unable to finish the sentence.

"Alright, _fine,_ " Kara huffed, when the woman's laughter finally died down. "I'm leaving. But… make sure you clean this mess up when you're done."

Not even bothering to roll her eyes, Lena allowed Kara to leave the bathroom without so much as a passing glance.

~!~!~

A few days passed before the two had another encounter, as they didn't have any classes together. (Lena was in all AP courses, while Kara took all college prep classes.) When Kara finally did run into Lena again, it was long after class had been dismissed, around six. Kara's blonde hair was tied up in a loose bun, and her glasses were fogged up from her hot, panting breaths, after leaving her track practice. Still, she had no visible sweat.

Of course, she had to hold back during practice, given her… unique abilities. Regardless, she enjoyed the work out and spending time with her friends.

But the last person she was expecting to see late after class was Lena Luthor, given that the girl owned an overpowered Mercedes and could easily drive herself home after school. Kara, on the other hand, took the late bus after practice.

Kara found the girl hunched over a desk in the chemistry room, staring down at a pile of… Kara didn't know what.

"Now what?" Kara asked haughtily, a smug expression displayed on her lips.

"Hello, Girl Scout. Pleasure to have you interrupt me," Lena replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.

When whatever Lena was working on sparked loudly, Kara stumbled backwards in shock.

"What are you doing?"

"Using aluminum foil, saltwater, and activated charcoal to construct a simple battery strong enough to power a small motor or light. Thinking about how to turn it into something powerful enough to run the nuclear reactor in my basement."

Kara rolled her eyes and mumbled, "Speak English, would you?"

With a huff, Lena finally dropped the tools she was using to build the battery and looked up at Kara with annoyance.

"What do you want, Hall Monitor?"

Kara shrugged.

"Just making sure you're not going to burn the school down when no one is looking."

"Hey, at least you'd get out of school for a while," Lena said, smirking as she turned back to her experiment.

"That's not funny!" Kara shot back. "People could get hurt! You're not the only one in the building, you know!"

"What do I care?" Lena laughed. "You'll just run around at super Hall Monitor speed saving everyone. They'll be fine."

"You're insufferable, you know that?" Kara replied, glaring at Lena.

"Then why don't you _walk away?_ "

Kara's mouth fell open as she stared at Lena, who was refusing to dignify Kara's protests by raising her gaze.

"Fine," Kara finally snapped. "I will. Just watch yourself, alright? Because next time I catch you burning stuff in the bathroom, I'm going to get you expelled."

Kara couldn't see it, but Lena rolled her eyes.

~!~!~

A week or so later, oil and water ran into each other again, this time behind the school.

Lena, to Kara's surprise, was sitting on the back steps with her head in her hands. Judging by the way Lena's shoulders were shaking, Kara could tell that she was crying.

"Uh… Lena?" Kara asked hesitantly.

"Piss off," Lena hissed, choking on the words.

"Lena, are you—"

"You can relax, Girl Scout," Lena said bitterly. "I'm not setting anything on fire. You can leave me the hell alone now."

Biting her lip and hesitating on the steps beside Lena, Kara looked down at the woman who was so obviously upset. At first, Kara wanted to leave. Wanting to leave the ungrateful smartass to cry on the steps. But she knew this was wrong, and something in her gut told her to stay. That being the case, Kara took a slow breath and sat down cautiously on the steps beside Lena.

"Hey… Seriously… What's going on?"

"Piss _off,_ " Lena growled, lifting her head only briefly to aim her shove at Kara's shoulders, attempting to push her back.

Kara didn't budge.

Lena blinked, startled by the firmness of Kara's body, and her inability to move the woman out of the way.

"Talk to me," Kara gently offered, her gaze softening as she looked into Lena's wet eyes.

The sweetness and sincerity in Kara's voice made Lena forget all about Kara's body of steel.

"I…" Lena started, before catching herself about to share real feelings. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

"It's okay," Kara assured her. "You can talk to me. I won't tell anyone."

"You couldn't even explain the most basic concept of quantum physics. Why should I talk to _you_?"

This blow Kara felt. Deeply. Lena was calling her stupid.

"I'm not an idiot, you know," Kara shot back. "Just because I hate science doesn't mean I'm stupid."

Lena hesitated, seeing the sudden pain on Kara's face.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just don't trust people, okay? Especially not preppy, self-righteous jocks. So, please, just leave."

Kara wavered before deciding, "I'm not leaving you to cry here by yourself."

"I'm not crying!" Lena screamed.

Raising an eyebrow, Kara gently pressed, "Why's your face wet then?"

"It was raining!"

"From your eyes?" Kara chuckled lightly.

When Lena scowled daggers in her direction, Kara offered a warm smile in response and bravely put her hand on the girl's shoulder.

"It's okay. Seriously. I'm not going to tell anyone. What's making you so upset?"

"My… My mother… She… She told me… that… that my brother's death was my fault," Lena finally confessed, Kara's sweetness pulling the words from her lips like a silk ribbon sliding between two fingers.

Kara's mouth almost fell open, but she held it together long enough to gently reply, "I'm sorry, Lena. That's a terrible thing for her to say."

Lena's brother, Lex Luthor had died the previous year, when they were juniors. No one knew the details of the accident, so Kara couldn't really speak to the validity of Lena's mother's assertion, but Kara did know one thing: that thought – the thought that she killed her own brother – would eat anyone alive if they let it fester.

"It's probably true," Lena sniffled, pulling a tissue from her bag and wiping her eyes and nose delicately.

"Hey… Don't say that. I'm sure that's not the case. You're…"

But Kara couldn't finish her sentence in good conscience. She was… what? Cold? Cunning? Calculating? Even a little creepy? Beautiful none the less? No, Kara couldn't say that. Besides… something gave Kara the strong, distinct feeling that Lena was so, so much more than that. But saying _that_ much would be going too far, so Kara didn't say so.

"I'm what?" Lena pressed, feeling anger rise in her throat like lava.

"You cared about your brother."

This gave Lena pause before she replied with conviction, "That's very true."

"I don't think you'd hurt him. Everyone knows how close you were and how much you protected each other."

"Yeah, well… Apparently, my mother doesn't know that."

Again, Kara was stumped for words. What do you even say to someone whose mother blames them for their brother's death?

Realizing that she'd been silent far too long, Kara awkwardly stammered, "Hey… um… I'd… uh… be happy to, um…"

Lena looked up, confused by Kara's sudden lack of confidence, as demonstrated by her stammering.

"Spit it out, Four Eyes."

Shaken slightly by Lena's name-calling, Kara blurted, "We could hang out sometime if you… you know… need a friend."

Laughing bitterly at this as she wiped away the last of her tears, Lena answered, "Luthors don't need friends."

Raising an eyebrow and daring to challenge the girl, Kara retorted, "Well, maybe now one does."

"Yeah, right, Class President. Like I could ever be friends with you…"

But the way Lena wavered and trailed off slowly made Kara doubt her sincerity, and the realization that Lena was likely covering her loneliness to feign strength made the corners of Kara's lips turn upwards into a slight smirk.

"Okay, Lena. Have it your way. I'll be here if you change your mind."

Kara shrugged, rose to her feet, and began to walk away, but before she could even make it to the second step down, Lena asked, unfiltered, "Would you really be friends with a Luthor?"

Sporting an even broader smile, Kara turned around and looked at Lena, whose eyes were still red from crying.

"I don't judge people by their last name, Lena. You're just another person to me. You're _your own_ person."

Feeling something hit her square in the gut, Lena almost fell backwards. Eyes wide as she stared, Lena found herself unable to speak. Never, not in her whole eighteen years, had anyone ever said those words to her. Kara was the first.

But old habits die hard, and lifestyles don't change overnight.

"Yeah, well… That's stupid anyway. I don't need friends. You can go now."

Shaking her head, never losing her glowing smile, Kara shrugged again and said, "As you wish."

~!~!~

Kara kept an eye on Lena from afar over the next week or so. Though she said nothing as they passed each other in the hallways, her thoughts drifted back to the Luthor frequently, and the way the girl's tears had stained her pale cheeks on the steps behind the school.

One afternoon, when Kara was gathering her books from her locker, she heard the distinct sound of something heavy slamming against metal. Wasting no time, Kara turned the corner down the second hallway and found Lena being held against the locker by a large, aggressive-looking football player.

"Hey!" the blonde shouted, hands on her hips as she approached the two. "Let her go!"

"Stay out of this, Danvers," the young man growled, glaring at Lena.

"I don't—" Lena choked, fighting against his forearm, which was crushing her windpipe "—know—what—you're talking about."

"Lex owes me a favor, princess," the young man growled. "And now that he's gone… you've gotta pay it."

Kara's hand gripped the man's shoulder tighter than steel as she hissed, "I said let her go."

"Jesus Christ!" he shouted, collapsing to his knees as she pressed down hard on his shoulder.

Kara had never appreciated her super strength more than in this very moment, where she was the one to save Lena from God-knows-what he would have done to her.

"Get out of here. And don't touch her again," Kara snarled.

The sweetness in her voice was gone. Tone, body, and nerves of steel all came together to build one strong front against evil, just as they always had. She'd deal with Lena's confusion about her ability to take a senior football player down with one hand later.

"How did you—" Lena gaped, rubbing her throat, which was already bruising.

"I work out," Kara said dismissively, shrugging her shoulders as she knelt down in front of Lena, who had shrunk to the floor. "Are you okay?"

Then, as Lena remained silent, Kara noticed something else. Lena was struggling with her belt. Reflexively, Kara dropped her gaze to find Lena tugging her jet-black, skin-tight jeans up. They weren't down far enough to see anything, but they were down far enough that Kara knew what had almost happened.

"Lena," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. Let me help you up."

Kara moved to stand, holding out her hand, but Lena slapped it away.

"Don't touch me. I'm fine. Just go. I don't need you to protect me."

"I know," Kara said, surprising Lena beyond belief. "I know you're strong. Still, it's really my pleasure to help. But… if you want me to leave, I'll go. Besides, someone has to go twist his balls off. Might as well be me."

"Well, if anyone can do it, it's you," Lena said, chuckling as the lighthearted comment slipped out on its own. "Seriously, though… How did you take him down like that?"

With a sly smile, Kara replied, "I'll see you around, Lena."

"Kara, wait," Lena called out, as Kara turned to leave. "I mean… I know you like to butt in and get involved in everyone's business, but… other than that… why did you come to help me?"

Kara laughed and rolled her eyes. Lena just couldn't ask a question without leaving an insult first.

"I like to do the right thing," Kara answered with a light shrug.

But she was also thinking, _And I like you._

This, of course, she couldn't say – to Lena or herself – so she waited a moment as Lena gracefully rose to her feet, wiped a single bead of sweat from her brow, and pulled her zipped jeans up slightly on her hips.

"Lena…" Kara said, suddenly losing her confidence about walking away and leaving the girl alone after such an encounter.

"Yes, Girl Scout?"

Kara's lips parted as she tried to speak, but her mouth was dry.

"I don't want you to be alone right now."

"I'm fine. I was about to head home anyway, and I…" Lena answered slowly.

But she knew she wasn't fine. Her heart was still racing, pumping her veins full of adrenaline. She'd been terrified of what the jock was about to do. She might've been smarter than anyone else in the school, but he'd caught her off guard, and she hadn't been able to overpower him physically. But then… there was Kara. One handed, she took him down without so much as breaking a sweat. _What the hell?_ Lena was thinking. And also: _Why does she have to be so pretty?_

"I don't want to call you a liar, Lena, and I'll take you at your word, but…" Kara started. "But I think anyone who was in your shoes just then would be terrified and shaken up, to some degree. I know I would."

"I'm not just 'anyone,'" Lena retorted, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly.

"No," Kara agreed. "No, you're not. But that doesn't mean you don't feel fear. And it doesn't mean you don't need a friend sometimes."

"Ugh!" Lena shouted, the sound echoing through the empty hallway. "Will you _let up_ on that 'friends' thing? I already told you—"

"Luthors don't need friends. I know," Kara finished with a sigh. "But… even if you don't _need_ one… you could _want_ one… and that would be okay, you know."

"What makes you think I'd be friends with _you?_ "

"This conversation is sounding awfully familiar."

"It is, isn't it? So why don't we both just end it and go our separate ways."

"You're awfully cold for someone who just got their honor saved."

"Hey!" Lena shouted. "Fuck you! I had it handled!"

"Can't you just say, 'thank you,' and stop acting like you're better than everyone else?"

Lena scowled, earning a sigh from Kara.

"Alright, Lena. Nevermind. I didn't do it for the thank you, anyway. I did it because I care about you." After a pause, Kara added, "Have a good night, Lena. Please, be safe."

Kara walked back to her locker as Lena turned to her own and removed her bag and textbooks, before both went their separate ways, each leaving the building though different doors.

All the way home, music blaring, Lena could only think about Kara's last three words: _Please, be safe._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder of the initial trigger warning for self-harm. Angst to follow.

In her bedroom – which was large enough to be a studio apartment – Lena laid on her stomach on her bed, hunched over her diary. In it, she wrote:

 _I don't even know what happened today. Kara… saved me, I guess. No… No, she_ _did_ _save me. I told her I was fine. But… I don't think I could've used my Luthor wits to get me out of_ _that_ _situation. Maybe I do need… No, that's stupid. Mother always told us: Luthors don't need friends. I don't need a friend. Kara's just a stupid, pompous, self-righteous prep like Supergirl. Ugh. Supergirl. Kara reminds me so much of her. I'm just glad I've never had a chance to go toe-to-toe with Supergirl. Ugh. At least she's not as bad as Superman. But, as mother always says, guilty by association. Plus, they're aliens!_

_Anyway, I don't know. I'm just glad things didn't get any worse. I guess I should've said thank you. I kind of feel like an asshole now, but there's no way in hell I'm going to say it at this point. Besides, even though she said she likes doing the right thing, I think she just likes to get into other people's business._

_Gotta go now. Dinner time. Not sure I can eat. I feel sick still… like… like something bad is going to happen. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to hurt myself again. But…_

_Kara told me to 'Please, be safe.' No one's ever said that to me before. No one's ever cared. Ugh, I hate this. I hate not knowing what the hell her deal really is. I've always been able to read people, but I can't read her. Maybe I'm losing my touch, now that Lex is gone. Maybe I'm losing my Luthor wits. Anyway, I'll figure that out later. Time to try to stomach something other than water._

_Later._

_~L_

~!~!~

The next day, when Kara saw Lena in the hallway at school, she offered a weak smile and a wave – a peace offering, to let Lena know there were no hard feelings about the way she had dismissed her the previous afternoon.

Lena ignored her and stared through her as though Kara was a thin curtain letting light through.

Biting her lip, Kara dropped her gaze and continued to her next class.

~!~!~

That weekend, Lena found herself in another uncomfortable position, this time with a family member.

"You're going," her mother asserted sternly. "I pay for that island, so you're going to go, and you're going to enjoy it."

Lena rolled her eyes and shot back, "I don't care about your stupid island, mother. I don't want to go."

"Well, isn't that too bad," her mother retorted with a smirk. "Because I'm your mother, and you'll do as you're told."

The young brunette felt her fists clench. More than anything, she wanted to punch her mother square in the face. But resorting to violence wasn't the answer. All she had to do was get through the weekend.

 _Deep breaths, Lena,_ she told herself. _You can do this. It'll be okay._

Shortly after packing her things, she and her mother left the house and made their way to their private jet, where Lena reluctantly boarded the plane.

"I hate your stupid island," Lena mumbled, brushing past her mother to sit in the back.

"Enough, Lena," her mother snapped. "If you have nothing nice to say to your mother, keep your mouth shut. Understand?"

"Yes, mother," Lena replied, gritting her teeth.

She sat down without another word, putting on her noise cancelling headphones and tuning out the roaring of the plane engines.

Shortly, she was torn from her relaxed trance by a large bout of turbulence that shook the plane hard – harder than she'd ever experienced before. It felt like getting hit by a car, and her head shot forward and back in just moments, causing a sharp ache in her neck.

"What's—" Lena started to ask, jerking her headphones off. Looking out the window, she noticed one of the engines fully in flames as the plane veered off course to the side, tilting the entire cabin so that she slid sideways in her seat.

To Lena's shock, it took only moments for the plane to stabilize. But how was that possible? The engine was still blown.

Slowly, the jet began to descend – horizontally, but straight down. In a few short moments, they were on the ground again. The door flung open, making Lena's heart race even more fervently.

Supergirl.

"Are you folks alright?" the girl asked, cape flowing behind her as her skirt fluttered in the wind.

As Lena's mother stared in disbelief – she hated the Supers – Lena did the same, but with a softened expression.

"Folks? Is anyone hurt?"

Lena rubbed the back of her neck but shook her head, though her chest was rapidly tightening. Soon, Lena's vision went blank as all she could feel was her throat tightening and her heart racing.

"M-Mom," Lena choked out, pressing her palm over her heart and leaning over, supporting herself with her hand on her knee.

"Lena?" Supergirl asked, approaching her quickly and touching her arm. "What's—"

"D-Don't. I—" Lena protested, but Supergirl lifted her chin with one gentle finger and looked into her eyes, finding panic there. "I can't breathe."

"Lena," Supergirl said softly, trying to calm her as she used her X-ray vision to check for any abnormalities with her heart and finding none. "You're having a panic attack. You're going to be okay. We're going to get you to the hospital to—"

"No! I—"

"Lena," Supergirl repeated. "I need to you to try to breathe for me."

"C-Can't. It hurts," Lena sobbed, instinctively grabbing Supergirl's cape as she fell to her knees, still clutching her chest.

"It's okay, Lena. You're okay. Breathe with me, okay? Breathe in and count with me." Lena shook her head, but Supergirl continued anyway, cooing, "Breathe in. One… two… three… And out a little longer. You can do it, Lena. Out. One… two… three… four…"

Slowly, Lena's fists unclenched and fell to Supergirl's forearms. Her breathing had slowed, if only slightly, although her chest and left arm were still hurting. Slowed enough for her to begin to think rationally.

"I… I don't… don't want to go…" she gasped between labored breaths.

"Go with her, Lena," the girl's mother ordered.

"Please," Supergirl gently added. "Please. Let me bring you. Just to be evaluated. I promise I won't hurt you."

Biting her lip and feeling the ache in her chest, Lena nodded, but was even more breath taken when Supergirl lifted her swiftly into her arms, bridal style.

Gasping as Supergirl took off in flight, Lena stared in disbelief of her surroundings while she watched the buildings pass below them. Even more to her surprise, Supergirl insisted on sitting with her while she waited for the doctor to evaluate her in the emergency room.

"You don't have to stay," Lena told her.

"Of course I'll stay. I want to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine, Supergirl. Really," Lena lied, still feeling the tightness in her chest and the somewhat-slowed pressure of her heart thumping heavily.

Lena felt incredibly uncomfortable with the caring nature of the superhero, but Supergirl's persistence kept her quiet as the clock ticked by several more minutes.

"You're doing a good job, Lena," Supergirl finally said, touching the brunette's forearm with fingertips like butterflies.

Lena shivered and shook her head.

After a pause, Supergirl asked cautiously, "The plane was rigged to crash. Who do you think would've wanted to hurt you and your mother?"

Lena paused, stunned by Supergirl's words.

"I… I don't know," Lena sighed. "I'm sorry. If I knew, I'd tell you. Mother would want them to go down in flames."

"And… what about you?"

"What do you mean, what about me?"

"Would you want them to go down in flames?"

Lena paused, considering this. As cold as she was, she had never been quite as heartless as her mother. At least, she'd never wished death on anyone before.

"I guess not," Lena confessed.

Supergirl smiled.

"I'm glad. But don't worry. We'll bring them to justice, okay? As soon as I figure this out, you'll be the first to know, and I promise – I _promise_ – I won't let them hurt you again."

Stunned, Lena stared. Then, suddenly, she was torn from the stupor of surprise and dragged into another fog – this time, a fog of confusion as she watched Supergirl's golden locks of hair bounce around her shoulders, light catching the blonde hair and illuminating them in the most striking way.

"Supergirl?" Lena asked, after a long bout of silence.

"Yes, Lena?"

"T-Thank you…"

Supergirl smiled and shrugged her shoulders, replying, "Don't mention it. It's my pleasure to help. Good job today."

Blinking with confusion, Lena tried to remember where she'd heard those words before.

~!~!~

Lena spent the following week at school thinking about the plane incident. Who would want them dead? She couldn't think of anyone, but her mother kept almost everything a secret. Lena was sure there were plenty of people who would put a bounty on her mother's head.

Then, her thoughts began to drift back to Supergirl and the way the woman had touched her, comforted her, coached her through the scariest moment in her entire life. How was it possible that she could be so tender towards a Luthor? It was unheard of.

Several times, her teachers had to shake her from her trance in the middle of class, as Lena continued to find herself preoccupied with thoughts of her near-death experience, and her rescue. When reports got back to her mother that she was performing less than perfectly, there were consequences.

"You are _so_ grounded!" her mother shouted, upon receiving the phone call. "I give you everything, and I ask for so, so little of you, Lena. I ask for so little. Just that you keep up your grades. Your brother was never this incompetent!"

"It was a B on the test, mother! It's not like I failed it!" Lena shouted back.

"You might as well have! Dozing off in class? Completely missing half a lecture?"

"I didn't _doze off_ in class! I just had a lot on my mind. I was… I was thinking about the plane."

Her mother paused and looked at her.

"You think that a little assassination attempt would stop _me_ from running the business? Or get the way of my performance at my job?"

Lena felt her heart sink. She was so far from being anything like her adoptive mother that it hurt. Well… No… Her mother's disappointment in her hurt.

She yearned for acceptance, so she gritted her teeth and replied, "I'll do better, mother."

"Very good. I expect you will."

Upstairs in her room, Lena began to cry. The tears were angry, hot, and aggressively unwanted, but Lena could do nothing to stop them.

In her journal, she wrote, _I'll never been good enough,_ and threw the book to the other side of the room where it hit the wall with a loud thud.

Angry with herself for crying and for never being good enough, Lena pulled a small box from her nightstand and removed a pack of razors from it. Taking one delicately from the box, Lena felt her tears slow and calmness fade over her.

Taking deep, slow breaths, Lena pushed her skirt up and dragged one of the blades over her thighs, where the long, thin line joined several others. As soon as she saw the blood bubbling up around the blade, her eyes fell closed.

In the morning, when she woke, she found her sheets soaked in deep, red blood.

"Shit!" she cursed, looking down at her blankets.

Leaping out of the bed, Lena quickly stripped the bedding, shoved it into a trash bag, and pushed it under the bed, replacing it with fresh, clean bedding.

"Fuck," she sighed, looking down at her thighs.

She'd fallen asleep in her skirt, which she'd also ruined.

Rubbing her temples, Lena sat down on the freshly made bed and sighed, "What did I just do?"


	3. Chapter 3

The next day at school, Kara saw Lena in the hallway and noticed a significant difference in her demeanor. Of course, after Kara's encounter with her as Supergirl – and feeling the stark difference in her behavior – she was worried.

"Lena?" Kara asked gently, standing by the girl's open locker.

"Bugger off, Four Eyes," Lena sighed, not wanting to entertain the overly concerned student.

"I'm… here if you need me, okay?" Kara offered, not wanting to give too much away.

Lena's shoulder turned to ice, and she turned away without a word.

~!~!~

"Hey, Alex?" Kara asked her sister, later that afternoon.

"Yes, Kara?" Alex replied dismissively, not looking up from her homework as she sat at her desk in her room.

"I think… I think I…"

"Are you pregnant? Because if you're not pregnant, why are you bothering me? I'm trying to study."

"No! Don't be stupid. Of course I'm not pregnant."

"Okay. You can go then."

"Okay. Well. Here's the deal—"

"No. Kara. You can leave."

"Ouch," Kara said, forcing a laugh.

But it really did hurt.

She and Alex had historically had a complicated relationship. They weren't always close. And honestly, Kara knew better than to bother her while she was doing homework. But the burning question was too much to hold in.

"Am I… Am I annoying, as me?"

"What do you mean 'as you?'"

"As Kara Danvers. As in, _not_ Supergirl."

"What do you mean? Of course you're annoying. You're my sister."

"No, Alex… I mean… to other people."

"Well…" Alex started, hesitating. "You do come on a little… um… strong."

Kara's face fell.

"Hey… What's going on? Where's this coming from?"

Finally, Alex spun around in her chair to give Kara her full attention.

"There's… this girl…"

"Oh, my God, Kara. No."

"No, it's not… It's not like that," Kara said, but the realization that it actually _might_ be like that was hitting her hard as the words came out of her mouth. "It's just… she's not even a friend. But… Lena Luthor…"

" _Lena Luthor?_ " Alex gaped. "What about her?"

"Well… Something… happened to her the other day… and I kind of… helped her. As me. As Kara. But she totally cold-shouldered me and called me Four-Eyes and Girl Scout and Hall Monitor and—"

"Are you trying to tell me she's bullying you?"

"No! That's not the point, okay? Just listen," Kara said, exasperated. "I'm confused, because when I rescued her as Supergirl the other day – you remember that plane incident – she was… she actually said 'thank you.' I don't get it. Is there something wrong with the real me that makes her so… repulsed?"

Alex stared at her sister and sighed, "Why is this upsetting you? She's a Luthor. She hates everyone. They all do."

"Hey!" Kara snapped, scowling. "You don't know her."

"Neither do you," Alex laughed, shaking her head. "You've gotta stop seeing the good in _everyone_. Some people are just plain scumbags."

"She's not a scumbag, okay? She's not like her mother. She doesn't want to hurt people."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because… Because I asked her. Subtly. As Supergirl. When I was waiting in the hospital with her."

"You waited with her in the hospital?" Alex asked in disbelief.

"Well, yeah. She was having a panic attack and I—"

"Why didn't you let the doctors take care of it?"

"Because they were taking forever, and she was scared! Ugh! You're being _so_ unhelpful, do you know that? You're my sister. You're supposed to be there for me and encourage me and give me _good_ answers. Not give me shit for liking a Luthor."

"You _like_ her? Kara! You can't be serious."

"Not. Like. That!" Kara shouted.

"How can you like her at all?" Alex scoffed.

"Like wasn't the right word. I just… see the good in her is all."

"You're kinda pathetic sometimes, you know that?"

"Wow, Alex. Nice. I'll leave you alone now, Bookworm. Thanks for nothing."

Kara turned around and stormed off to her room, spending the rest of the night completely alone, in total silence.

~!~!~

The usual pep in Kara's step was completely gone the next day, and when she saw Lena at her locker, she dropped her gaze immediately and kept walking.

In fact, she kept walking with her head down so diligently that she crashed into another student, dropping her books.

"Watch it, kid!" the young man said, scowling at Kara, who was kneeling to collect her things.

Kara couldn't look up. The day was already miserable. She didn't need this. And she didn't dare to turn and see if Lena had even noticed the fall.

She didn't have to, though. Before Kara could look, Lena was beside her, kneeling and reaching for the pencils that had scattered. Kara froze and stared at Lena, forgetting all about her textbooks, which slid off her lap back onto the floor.

Luckily, the young man who had been the unintentional victim of Kara's clumsiness had already walked away.

"What?" Lena snapped, not raising her gaze. "Quit staring, Four Eyes. Are you just gonna leave all your shit on the floor?"

"N-No," Kara stammered, turning her attention back to the mess. "Th-Thank you."

Lena didn't say anything. Instead, she shoved the pencils into Kara's hand and turned away, rising to her feet.

Kara stumbled to her own and continued to stare. Why had Lena just been nice to her?

"Lena," Kara said shyly, approaching the girl, who was digging through her locker.

"What is it?" Lena asked shortly, huffing as she turned to look at Kara.

"Did I… Did I do something to offend you?"

"What?"

"Did I do something to offend you?"

Lena blinked. No, she hadn't. But what could Lena actually say?

She decided on, "Luthors don't need friends, Kara, and you can't seem to get it through your head that I'm not interested in—"

"But you just helped me."

"Listen, Four Eyes. I did the polite, civil thing to do. I'm not an animal."

Kara raised an eyebrow, challenging, "You did the _nice_ thing."

"Be that as it may, you may leave now."

Kara sighed and walked away.

~!~!~

Later that night, Kara was distraught again.

"You're _failing?!"_ Alex gaped at her sister, staring down at the report card.

"The semester's not over, though, and I—"

"Kara! I don't want to hear it! You can't graduate without passing chemistry! If you're going to pretend to be a human, you might as well be a good one!"

Kara stood there, mouth hanging open, and stared, soaking in what her sister had just said.

"Find a tutor," Alex said after a pause to regain her composure.

Kara nodded and mumbled, "Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry I disappointed you, Alex."

Without a reply from her sister, Kara left the room.

~!~!~

The next day, Kara did as she was advised and asked her chemistry teacher about getting a tutor and found out that all she had to do was go to the library after school.

To her shock and horror, when the librarian assigned her a tutor and walked her over to the table where her tutor sat, she saw Lena Luthor in the chair.

"Um, Mrs. Austin?" Lena said, looking up in shock. "I think this one's unteachable. Any chance we can—"

"Now, now, Lena," the teacher tutted. "This is what you chose to do for community service. We don't turn away those asking for help, and if you want these hours to count, you'll work with whoever needs the assistance."

Mouth hanging only slightly open, Lena allowed Kara to sit at the table and looked exceedingly irritated as she noticed just how red Kara's cheeks were.

"S-Sorry," Kara stammered, feeling far from her normal, confident self.

She might've been popular with the rest of the school, but she certainly wasn't popular with Lena.

"Are you going to open your book, or are you just going to sit there like an idiot?" Lena snapped, noticing Kara's stare.

"R-Right. Sorry," Kara blurted, scrambling to open her textbook to the page that was relevant to her latest homework assignment.

"Alright. Well, since I'm stuck with you, and you're hopelessly dense, we might as well try to make this quick, so what's the assignment?"

"Odd problems one through one hundred."

Lena huffed.

"We're going to be here a while so just… try not to talk okay? Just… listen."

Kara nodded apologetically and looked down at the paper as Lena reluctantly scooted closer so she could see which problems Kara was assigned. She'd never felt so insecure in her life.

After an hour and a half, Kara's head dropped to the table as she let out an exasperated sigh.

"Oh, do get up, will you?" Lena taunted, rolling her eyes. "Don't be such a queen. You're just like Supergirl. Preppy, full of yourself, and oh-so-dramatic."

Kara didn't move. Everything in her was frozen. Did she just say…?

"Get up!" Lena hissed, not loudly enough for the librarian to scold them, but loud enough for Kara to know she was serious.

This tore Kara from her stupor, and she lifted her head immediately, locking eyes with her unwilling tutor.

"Look," Lena started. "You've only got three more problems, okay? Stick with it. You're almost done."

Involuntarily, Kara's eyebrow went up in surprise at the supportive and encouraging comment.

"What?" Lena balked. "It's true. One… two… three. What are you gawking at?"

"Nothing. Anyway, I think I got it, actually. I'll, uh… leave you alone."

"Are you… Are you sure you actually got this?"

Kara hesitated and stared down at the words on the page, which appeared to her like a second language that she definitely didn't speak.

"I…"

"Sit down, Four Eyes," Lena sighed. "Three more."

The two completed the problems together, and by the time Kara closed her textbook, she was feeling surprisingly better about the material.

"Thanks, Lena," she said gratefully, offering a weak smile. "I'm sorry I suck at this, but I appreciate your help."

"Well, it's counting towards my hours of community service for school to graduate, so…"

"Yeah, well… Thanks all the same."

Lena shrugged and stood up, beginning to pack her things into her backpack as she realized that her two-hour shift was over.

"Oh, fuck," Kara blurted, looking at the clock. "I missed the fucking bus!"

Lena blinked, never having had this problem, and stared at Kara in disbelief. What a stupid way to travel.

But… Kara had previously saved her from a terrible, unknown fate. It would be awfully rude of her not to return the favor somehow.

"I could… um… I could give you a ride," Lena said, looking down at her feet as she shifted her weight anxiously.

"What? Really?" Kara asked. "You'd do that for me?"

"I just want us to be even, and I feel like I owe you. Luthors always pay their debts."

"Oh," Kara said simply. "Well… Thank you. I would appreciate the ride. Alex is already home, so… I'm kinda screwed without it."

"Why don't you have a car?" Lena asked.

"Because my family isn't rich?"

Lena felt her stomach drop. How could she have asked such a rude, absurd question? Heat rose to her cheeks.

"Anyway," Lena attempted to recover. "Let's get going. I'm going to be late for dinner at home, and my mother will kill me if I'm not sitting at the table at 6:30."

"Got it," Kara agreed, clutching her backpack as she followed Lena out of the school.

In the car, to Kara's surprise, they bonded over their choice in music.

"Oh, my GOD," Kara laughed. "I haven't heard this song in forever!"

"Sooo good, though," Lena said with an unrestrained grin.

Music was just about the only way she was able to let go of her stress. Kara noticed this and appreciated the new side of Lena that she was experiencing. She felt fortunate to see this, knowing full well that few ever had or ever would.

"Hey, Lena?" Kara asked, as the woman pulled into the driveway at Kara's home.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Okay, can you not gush? Jesus, Girl Scout. Just get your shit and go."

Kara blinked, stunned by the sudden snap back into the Lena Luthor she knew before the car ride.

"Yeah. Right. Sorry," Kara mumbled, gathering her things. "Thanks again."

As she walked up the driveway, Lena watched – quite involuntarily – the way that Kara's perfectly sculpted figure moved in the skirt she was wearing. It wasn't until Kara shut the front door to the home and disappeared behind it that Lena came to and was able to refocus her attention on her goal: getting home in time to not be assassinated by her mother.


	4. Chapter 4

The next two times Kara met with Lena for tutoring on her chemistry homework, Kara did her best not to be an annoyance. Lena unfortunately didn't see it that way.

"Could you please _focus?_ " Lena snapped, when Kara dropped her mechanical pencil on the floor.

"You know, Lena," Kara huffed. "Maybe you should've picked a different activity for your community service."

"Oh? And why is that? Did you not get a 98 on your last chemistry exam?" Lena shot back coldly.

"Because you have zero patience," Kara calmly explained, slowly rising to her feet. "I'll see you around, Lena. I think you probably need a break from this for the night. You should go home and do something you enjoy. Take care of yourself, okay?"

The brunette offered a deep scowl in return. Who was this girl to tell her what to do with her life? Who was she to say something so sweet and thoughtful? _Ugh!_ Lena was thinking. _This girl._

Kara didn't respond to the scowl. Instead, she offered a polite wave and grabbed her backpack before leaving the library.

~!~!~

Lena had another argument with her mother that night, which was really just the cherry on top of her shit cake of a day.

Alone in her room, Lena laid on her bed and opened her textbooks to complete her own homework. To her surprise, she noticed a small, pink sticky note sticking out of one of the books. Raising an eyebrow, she carefully opened the book and found a message scrawled on it in a darker shade of pink, which Lena couldn't help but notice must have been written by a glitter gel pen.

 _What adult uses gel pens?_ she was thinking.

Then, she thought back to the day Kara had dropped her things in the hallway. The only place she'd seen a set of gel pens in an adult's hands was when Kara's pencil case spilled on the floor, along with her pens and pencils.

Feeling her heart thud, Lena looked down and examined the words on the small piece of paper.

_Call me if you need anything. Anything at all._

_~K_

There was a phone number at the bottom. Lena, shocked the Kara's forwardness of putting something in her textbook and offering her phone number, just stared at the piece of paper with wonder. No one had ever tried to be her friend before. Of course, guys had offered their number before getting to know her, but once they found out she was a Luthor, they quickly retracted the offer, or straight up disappeared. But no one had ever, ever offered friendship the way Kara had.

The Luthor side of Lena kicked in shortly thereafter, feeling pangs of bitterness as she scoffed to herself, "Yeah, right. Like I'd ever need anything from _her_."

But she could taste the lie on her lips as she muttered the words, and the pangs of bitterness became pangs of guilt. Kara had only ever been kind to her. Yes, she was an annoying, nosy, self-righteous, Four-Eyes, Hall Monitor, Class President, Girl Scout… but she'd never once been unkind to Lena. She couldn't say that of anyone else.

Then, Lena was reminded of Kara's last words: _Take care of yourself, okay?_

To her horror, Lena suddenly felt her face become impossibly hot as pressure behind her eyes rapidly began to build.

 _Don't you dare. Don't you dare cry,_ she told herself. _Don't. Fucking. Cry!_

But it was too late. It was all coming out, gushing from her eyes and down her cheeks. Reality was a strong, strong weapon, and it disabled her like the manual override of a self-destructing computer system.

In an effort to quiet herself, Lena quickly grabbed for her diary, where she began to write.

_I hate this. I hate her. I hate that she's nice and I hate that she thinks she knows me. She doesn't fucking know me! She knows nothing about my life. And yet she still wants to be my friend. Fuck her. Fuck her and her kindness and acts of charity. I don't fucking need her. I don't need anybody. I'm a Luthor. Mother may might hate me for not being Lex, but Lex and Father loved me, and that makes me a Luthor. I'm not going to let Kara 'Hall Monitor' Danvers ruin that for me. Fuck her. Fuck her and all the nice things she's ever done for me. Fuck her and her phone number. Fuck her and her great taste in music. Fuck her and her beautiful blue eyes. Fuck her and the way the sun comes in through the library window and makes her hair glow like a halo. Fuck her and her sweet, kind smile. Fuck her and—_

_Oh, fuck._

Lena collapsed onto her side on the bed and clutched at her chest, feeling everything in her tighten and constrict her airways. _This isn't happening. This isn't happening,_ she told herself, feeling her chest heaving in breaths that brought in not nearly enough air to fill her lungs. Squeezing her eyes shut as the tears continued to pour with no signs of stopping, Lena gasped. Her heart rate wouldn't slow. Thinking just enough to lift her wrist, Lena looked at her smart watch and opened the app to read her heartrate. 110 beats per minute. It should've been somewhere between 60 and 65, given that she was just resting on her bed, exerting no physical effort.

 _Panic attack,_ Lena finally realized, the image of Supergirl holding her tightly rushing back to her mind. And surprisingly, it wasn't the reminder of the deep breathing Supergirl had taught her that calmed her. It was imagining the way it felt to be so safe, so comforted, so cared for, and so completely secure while Supergirl flew her to the hospital that eased her overreactive nerves. In that moment, she wasn't a Luthor. She wasn't anything. She was just… a girl. Just someone that Supergirl thought was worth rescuing. Lena wondered if her mother thought she was worth rescuing too but decided not to think too much on that.

As the grip of panic began to loosen the noose around her neck, Lena scrambled for the only coping skill she was comfortable with. After digging in her nightstand drawer for a minute or so, she finally found what she was looking for. The razors. Chest still heaving, though not nearly as badly as it had been, Lena checked her watch again. 95 beats per minute. Lena closed her eyes.

_Take care of yourself, okay?_

Kara's words were there, burning through the pain like a fog light. Lena opened her eyes.

 _Come on, Lena. Don't,_ she was thinking, as she stared down at the pack of razors. _Don't._

Then, once again, Kara's words echoed.

_Take care of yourself, okay?_

Lena began to cry again. No one had ever cared before. No one except her father and Lex, and they were gone now. She had no one. Except… Kara. And maybe…

The distressed brunette closed her eyes again. _Don't do it, Lena. Come on. Don't cut. Put the razors back._

But Lena couldn't do it. She squeezed the small pack of razors in her hands as hot, angry tears continued to flow. But then, suddenly, behind her eyes, there was Supergirl, touching her hand and coaching her to breathe. This time, Lena listened, caught in the whirlwind of emotions and wanting nothing more than to escape them.

_In. One, two, three… Out. One, two, three, four, five…_

This she repeated several times before checking her watch again and seeing that her heart rate had slowed down to 72 beats per minute. Close enough to normal.

Exhausted from the effort of simply keeping herself alive and getting oxygen to her heart, Lena dropped the pack of razors on the bed and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

_Take care of yourself, okay?_

Thinking only of Kara's request, and her rescue by Supergirl, Lena finally fell asleep, face and pillow both soaked from her tears.

~!~!~

The next day, Lena noticed Kara walking by in the hallway and felt her heart stop.

 _This is so bad,_ she was thinking. _What's wrong with me?_

Feeling her heart begin to race, Lena sensed panic beginning to strike her.

_Fuck. Come on. No. Not here._

She could feel the panic attack coming on, so she watched helplessly as Kara walked by her without glance, saying nothing to her. Then, Lena leaned back against her locker, clutching her books to her chest, and began to focus on her breathing.

After about a minute of this, she checked her watch. 75 beats per minute and dropping.

 _I'm okay,_ she told herself. _I'm fine._

Then, she looked up and finally took in her surroundings. Kara had disappeared into the sea of students moving down the hallway. Lena had lost her chance to say anything to the blonde about what had transpired between them the evening before at the library. With a sigh, Lena slammed her locker door shut and felt the painfully familiar sting of tears in her eyes. This time, though, she didn't let them fall.

~!~!~

Kara didn't come to tutoring that night. Or the next night. Or the night after that, which was Lena's final night of offering her tutoring services in exchange for community service credit to graduate that year.

On the fourth day without seeing Kara, Lena went home distraught. Completely unsure of how to feel, Lena's conflicting emotions flooded back.

She sat at her desk for several minutes, staring down at her homework, before she noticed the pink sticky note poking out from one of the pages. Lena turned the page and stared at the note.

_Call me if you need anything. Anything at all._

_~K_

Shaking her head, Lena slammed the book closed.

 _I'm not calling her,_ she told herself. _I don't care if she fails. I'm a Luthor, and Luthors don't need friends. I'm not calling her. I'm not calling her._

But then, the other part of her brain seemed to whisper, _But what if she didn't come back because of you? She needed help. What if she_ fails _because of you?_

Lena's heart sputtered. She couldn't decide what was more important: being a Luthor or doing the right thing. That had never really been a struggle for her before, but now… now that Kara had shown her such kindness… how could Lena ignore her? The only person who had ever attempted to be her friend?

The brunette shook her head again and shoved the textbook off the desk.

"I won't," she said firmly, standing and going over to sit on her bed. "I don't need anyone. Especially not Kara Danvers."

But when Lena woke from a nightmare about the plane incident – in which Supergirl let her fall to her death on the way to the hospital – her tune changed.

The panic attack that gripped her was strong enough that she couldn't fight it. At least… not without help.

Her first course of action was to scramble for the package of razors. With trembling hands, she removed one and held it to her bare thigh, pushing the corner of the blade into her skin just slightly, enough to earn one small red bead of life.

But something stopped her. She froze, pulled the razor away from her skin, and stared down at her shaking hands. She couldn't move. Couldn't think. Couldn't talk.

 _You're dying,_ her mind told her.

Again, she looked at the razor between her thumb and forefinger. The only easy option she could think of.

Fighting the urge, Lena took a slow, shaky breath and tried to steady herself, but in turn felt a wave of panic strike her even harder than the first. She was crying. She hated crying. She hated herself. She hated everything. Everyone.

Looking at her watch, she checked her heart rate. 110 beats per minute.

"Fuck," she choked out.

No matter how hard she tried to breathe, the panic wouldn't stop. Her heart wouldn't slow. It all felt like death.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, Lena noticed the pink sticky note on her desk. She hesitated, but eventually, with body vibrating and nerves on fire, she reached for the piece of paper and flicked on the light on her nightstand to read it more clearly.

 _Luthors don't need friends,_ her mother's voice rang out in her head.

To her own amazement, she ignored it. Then, Kara's took over.

" _Take care of yourself, okay?" "Call me if you need anything. Anything at all."_

Doing probably the bravest thing she'd ever done in her eighteen years of life, Lena grabbed for her phone and typed the digits written on the note into the dial pad.

Sucking in a deep, terrified breath before hitting the green 'call' button, Lena squeezed her eyes shut and gripped the comforter as she sat upright in bed.

She knew it was 3 in the morning. She knew she was being pathetic. She knew this was going to be embarrassing. But it wasn't like she could call Supergirl, and it wasn't like she could tell her mother or go to the hospital, and it wasn't like she could stop it herself without slicing her thigh open, so she hit the button and waited.

The ringing of the call blared in her ears, startling her slightly, but to her surprise, it only took two rings for the call to be answered.

Lena didn't know what was worse: Kara missing the call or answering it.

But, either way, the result she got was Kara's soft, sleepy voice saying into the receiver, "Hello?"

"K-Kara," Lena choked out, shocked to find her voice betraying just how hard she was crying. "I…"

"Lena?!" Kara asked in shock, sitting straight up in bed. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"C-Can't… Can't breathe," was all Lena could manage to say.

When Kara heard the gasping sounds that followed, she knew exactly what was happening. Lena was having another panic attack. Kara had to think quickly so as not to give away her alter ego, so she took a deep breath to calm herself and returned her tone to normal.

"Lena… Are you… Are you having a panic attack?" Kara asked gently, knowing full well that this was exactly what was happening.

Lena whimpered, "Mhmm," into the receiver and continued to struggle for air.

"Alright. Take it easy, okay? Just… lie back, first."

Lena hesitated, but did as she was told.

Hearing the shuffling of sheets, Kara asked, "Are you lying down?"

"Mhmm."

"Okay. Close your eyes. Just try to breathe slowly, breathing out for longer than you breathe in each time, and listen to me," Kara coached her. Lena couldn't speak, which Kara knew, so she continued, "I want you to picture yourself at a beach. It's warm, and you're alone. You can feel the softness of the sand under your bare feet, slipping between your toes."

Lena was whimpering softly, which told Kara she was crying.

"Easy, Lena. It's okay," Kara assured her. "Stay with me. Think about the sand. Now… Take a step along the water. And another. One more." Then, after a pause, Kara asked, "Are you with me?"

"Mhmm," Lena sniffled.

Lena was grateful that she was in far too much discomfort to actually feel embarrassed.

"Okay. Now, turn around and look back at your footprints. See 'em? I want you to place one worry – one thing that bothers you – in each footstep. Can you do that?"

"I… I'll t-try," Lena agreed, rubbing the tears from her eyes but keeping them closed.

Lying there, Lena pictured the first worry. Her mother's expectations of her. Her mother's disappointment in her. She sighed, moving on to the next. Panic attacks went in the second footstep. They were too much. She wanted them gone. In the third, she placed her conflicting feelings about friendship and being a Luthor, and with them… her thoughts about Kara.

"All full?" Kara asked, after a long pause.

"Y-Yeah," Lena said, breath still shaky.

"Good. Keep breathing, okay? Just keep breathing. I know it's scary but stay with me."

"Okay."

"Now, I want you to watch the water for a minute. Watch the way it moves further up the shore, slowly splashing into your footprints. After a few more waves crash down on them, they disappear, bringing all your worries into the water with them, and washing them away."

Lena opened her eyes in surprise, then closed them again, picturing this as vividly as possible. Amazed, she felt the tension begin to leave her body.

 _Who cares if mother is unhappy with me?_ she asked herself. Then, she reasoned, _I can do this. These attacks don't own me. And who cares if a Luthor has a friend? Only mother, and she can go fuck herself. Yeah… Yeah. She can go fuck herself! And… Kara…_

Lena's thoughts trailed off after that, leaving her confused.

"Lena?" Kara asked gently, no longer hearing the sound of Lena's struggling breaths. "You there?"

"Y-Yeah. I'm here."

"Are they gone?"

"Y-Yeah… Well… Mostly."

"What's left?"

Snapping back into her usual self, Lena retorted, "None of your business."

Kara couldn't help but laugh as she replied, "Now, there's the Lena I know."

Looking down at her watch, Lena noticed that her heartbeat had slowed significantly. 60 beats per minute. A perfectly normal resting heart rate.

"Kara…" Lena said slowly, having calmed enough to speak clearly.

"Yes, Lena?"

"I think…"

After a long pause, Kara pressed, "Yeah?"

"I think you're amazing."

Again, Kara couldn't hold in the chuckle that bubbled up in her throat.

"I'm nothing special, Lena. I just… know what it's like."

"You have panic attacks?" Lena blurted, shocked by Kara's confession.

"I used to, when I first moved here. Everything was so… new… and strange…"

"How'd you get them to stop?"

"I try to remember all the things I care about. I put those things in waterproof boxes at the top of the beach. Then, I walk in the water and watch those footsteps fade away, with all my worries in them. And…"

"And?"

"And I breathe. I just… breathe. I learned that a long time ago, and it's really helped me."

Lena thought about Supergirl, and the way she'd been so incredibly encouraging, patient, and gentle. Kara had just been the same.

Then, she suddenly realized that it was now 3:47 AM, and that she had, no doubt, woken Kara from her sleep.

"Kara, I'm so sorry for waking you," Lena said quickly, her face growing warm with a flood of embarrassment that she hadn't felt yet.

"Lena," Kara said softly, a smile tugging her lips. "I meant what I said. I'm here. Anything you need, I'm here."

"But… Why?" Lena said, once again breathless, but in a very different way.

"Because I care about you, numb-nut."

Actually letting out a bright, genuine laugh, Lena smiled for the first time since she'd brought Kara home and they'd listened to music together.

"Did I just hear you laugh?" Kara teased.

Lena could hear the smirk in Kara's voice and wanted to fire back a witty remark, but she couldn't stop smiling.

"Shut up, Girl Scout," she finally said, when she'd gotten the smile under control and regained her composure.

Kara continued to smile, though, as she asked, "You feeling better, hun?"

 _Hun?_ Lena blinked. _Did she just call me hun?_

"I, um… Yeah. Yeah, I'm… I'm actually okay." Lena wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks and added, "Thank you, Kara."

Surprised to hear Lena use her real name – and not Four Eyes, Girl Scout, or Hall Monitor – Kara paused for a moment and took in the sound of it.

_Kara. Kara. Kara._

It rang in Kara's ears. So much so that she forgot to say, 'you're welcome.'

After a long, awkward pause, Lena asked, "Kara?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, I'm here. Sorry."

"You must be exhausted," Lena sighed. "I'm really sorry."

"And I'm really sorry I annoy you," Kara offered, forcing a soft laugh, even though it hurt.

"You… You don't… _annoy_ me…"

"Then what is it about me that you despise so much?" Kara asked, seriousness suddenly seeping back into the conversation.

Kara hadn't intended it to happen, but there was: an earnestness she'd wanted to hide. She didn't want Lena to know her insecurities. It shouldn't have mattered if Lena didn't like her. Why was Kara seeking her approval anyway? She had plenty of friends. What was it about Lena that was so incredibly special, to the point where it the girl wouldn't leave Kara's mind?

Blushing at her own thoughts, Kara waited for Lena's reply. It took a while for it to come.

"I don't despise you."

"You call me names. You snap at me. You tell me I'm stupid. Why?" Kara asked, her heart thumping.

Her voice was dripping with pain, and she was exceedingly embarrassed that she couldn't seem to stop it from slipping out.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Lena said, the words tumbling out. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," Kara lied. "I was just confused, I guess. I mean, you can barely spend a single second near me without complaining. But now you're calling me."

"You told me to."

"And I meant it!" Kara cried. "Your opinion of me doesn't change mine of you."

"What?"

"How you feel about me doesn't change how I feel about you."

Lena's heart began to thud in her chest again, heavy and strong.

"And… how do you feel about me?" she asked cautiously, not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.

"I like you, Lena. I think you're funny. You're incredibly smart. You're witty. You're strong-willed. Independent. You have a great taste in music. You're someone I could be friends with. And like I said, I care about you. As a person. I see so much potential in you. You keep saying, 'I'm a Luthor, and Luthors don't need friends,' but I think you're so much more than that. You're your own person, Lena. A really amazing person. I just wish… I wish you… could at least… see… _something_ in me. Something worth keeping around," Kara confessed, immediately embarrassed by her monologue as soon as it escaped her. "But that's pathetic, so, like… totally and completely forget that I just said that. Please."

Stunned, Lena replied, "Why do you care so much about what I think? You have tons of friends."

"I just told you, Lena. You need to learn to listen," Kara said, forcing the joke to lighten the mood.

It didn't work.

Lena bit her lip for a moment before replying shyly, "I… I care about what you think of me too. Actually, you're the only person whose opinion of me I've really cared about."

"What?"

"You heard me, Four Eyes."

Kara sighed, then instantly wished she hadn't. Too much was coming out on its own. She felt intoxicated. Inhibitions were gone. _How is this happening? Shut_ _ **up,**_ _Kara!_

But it all kept coming.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could do more for you. I know you're a Luthor and that you don't need me… but… I just… wish I was a little more useful."

Of course, this was ironic, coming from Supergirl, but Lena didn't know this. Kara's heart was sinking. _Stop talking, you fucking idiot!_ she screamed internally.

Then, Lena said something that made her even more uncomfortable.

"Actually…" Lena started slowly. "I kind of like your glasses."

Kara went dead silent.

"Uh… You there?"

"Y-Yeah," Kara stammered. "I…"

"Don't make this a big deal, okay? But… I kinda like you too. I mean… I think… You're… I don't know. I don't know what I think. I just… You're just so…"

"Hilariously pathetic?"

Kara's insecurities were showing.

"No. I was going to say 'sweet,'" Lena confessed, letting out a soft sigh.

She was definitely embarrassed, but it was far too late for her to take back any of the words she'd shared.

"Really?"

"I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't come to get tutored," Lena said, suddenly remembering that Kara was probably failing again without the help.

"Oh… It's… I just didn't want to bother you anymore."

"How did you do on your test?"

"Actually… You really helped, Lena. I honestly feel okay about it. You taught me a lot. As much as you seemed to hate it, you were really good at explaining things… even though you got frustrated with me, 'cause I'm an idiot."

"You're not really an idiot," Lena sighed. "I just… said that to be a jerk… I push people away, Kara. It's what I do."

Kara was surprised by this. Lena actually admitted to _trying_ to be mean. _And_ she'd confessed that she didn't think Kara was stupid!

This, of course, made the hero's heart race. Never had she cared so much about anyone's opinion of her. Which was odd, because the entire city loved her as Supergirl. Even as Kara, she was popular at school. But Lena… Lena's valiant attempt to hate her made her insides turn. Something about the way Lena looked at her with disdain made her stomach twist into knots and feel nauseous. It made her embarrassed of who she really was. But now… with Lena confessing that she actually _liked_ her… Kara was confused. And beyond appreciative. In fact, she felt downright lucky.

"Lena…" Kara whispered, her voice dropping low.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you… for saying all that. It must've been pretty hard."

"We're still not friends, you know," Lena said quickly, returning to her roots.

"I… I know. But it's cool to know you don't hate me."

Lena couldn't help but smile at this. The overly confident Hall Monitor actually cared about her and her opinion.

"How could I hate you after tonight anyway? You rescued me from the aftermath of a _terrible_ nightmare."

"I did? That's what triggered this?"

"Yeah," Lena answered. "Supergirl dropped me and I fell to my death. It was a shit way to go."

Kara blinked. She was dreaming about Supergirl?

Thinking fast on her feet, Kara replied nonchalantly, "She'd never drop anyone."

"True," Lena said, smiling once again as she thought back fondly on the way Supergirl had touched her hand and arm to comfort her.

"I'm glad you're okay, Lena," Kara said, after a pause. "And I'm really happy you called."

"You're going to be exhausted tomorrow."

Kara almost laughed. She needed less sleep than most humans did, so the lack of a good night's rest wouldn't kill her.

"It's really no problem."

"Well… Thank you, nonetheless. It's greatly appreciated. You saved me… again."

"It's nothing. Please, don't mention it. It's my pleasure to help."

In that moment, Lena realized where else she'd heard those words, for a third time: Supergirl.

Saying nothing of this, Lena replied, "Thank you again. You should get some sleep now, okay?"

"Aww… Lena… Caring about my wellbeing, are you?"

"Hey, shut up. I just feel bad."

Kara laughed and answered, "You don't have to feel bad. I'm fine, really. And I am very happy you called me. It was good to hear your voice not sounding angry with me."

The last bit she hadn't meant to say, but there it was, just like all her other stupid confessions that night. _This girl's gonna be the death of me,_ she thought.

"Goodnight, Kara…" Lena said, not knowing how to respond to the blonde's confession.

"Night, Lena."

After ending the call, Kara noticed her own heart racing.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Lena arrived early to school and waited at Kara's locker with her hands behind her back.

"Hey," she said casually, when Kara approached.

"Uh… Hey," Kara greeted her, surprised by her presence, which seemed to be intentional.

"I, um… I just wanted to say thanks again for saving my ass last night," Lena said shyly, then held out her hand, which contained a bouquet of pink lilies.

"Holy shit, Lena. You _really_ didn't have to—"

Lena instantly began to blush.

Gritting her teeth, she cursed, "Would you just take the fucking flowers, Four Eyes?"

Kara pushed her glasses up on her nose, cheeks turning a deep shade of red, and took the flowers.

"Thank you," she managed, face burning.

"Don't make it a huge deal, okay? It's just a thank you."

"I'm going to put these on my desk in my room, so I can look at them while I'm doing chemistry and think about your serious face telling me to focus," Kara teased.

Rolling her eyes, Lena shoved Kara's shoulder – which didn't budge – and moved past her.

Calling back without looking behind her, Lena said, "Meet me in the library after class. I'll help you study."

She walked away before Kara could say anything, leaving the blonde confused and surprised. Lena seemed to have a knack for that.

~!~!~

After school that day, Kara met Lena in the library.

She entered so quietly that Lena didn't notice her come in or look up to see her walking in her direction. This meant that Kara was able to spend a little more time than necessary staring at the glow of Lena's hair as the light from the setting sun that poured in the through the window.

After a long moment, Kara snapped out of her trance and approached the table where Lena was sitting.

"Hey, uh…" Kara started nervously. "I, um… I was thinking… Maybe we could study over dinner? I'm kinda starving."

Lena looked up, startled by the girl's sudden appearance, and blinked a few times before replying, "I… Uh… Sure, I guess. Where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking the café down the street. My treat?"

"No way, Girl Scout. I can pay for my own meal. The café sounds fine though. I could go for a Greek salad right now."

Kara shrugged as Lena packed up her things then followed her out of the school.

They walked close together on their way out, after Kara insisted on walking on the street side of the sidewalk.

"Why?" Lena had asked.

"I just like to," Kara said, although this was a complete and total lie.

It was the gentlemanly thing to do, and she wanted to reduce the possibility of Lena getting hurt if an accident were to happen. Hopefully, though, that would never come to pass.

But the season's first snow made the road slick, so by incredible happenstance, a car actually did slide off the road in their direction.

Without thinking, Kara reached out and reflexively stopped the car, putting both hands on the front of the hood to keep the car from going up on the sidewalk where Lena was standing close by.

Luckily, Lena hadn't been looking when Kara stopped the car with her bare hands. Kara knew she shouldn't have used her super strength in normal street clothes, but there was no way she was going to risk Lena's safety. Thankfully, though, this didn't backfire.

"Holy shit!" Lena cried, hearing the skidding noise as the car's wheels hit the edge of the sidewalk.

Kara had already pulled away from the car, so Lena suspected nothing.

Kara's terror was plain in her eyes, and Lena noticed, so she quickly said, "You okay?" and touched the girl's forearm without thought.

The tender gesture caught Kara even more off guard, and she was surprised to find the genuine look of concern in Lena's eyes.

"I'm… I'm fine. Are you okay?"

Lena nodded and confessed, "Just a little startled. I'm glad you're okay."

"Let's check on the driver," Kara said, quickly remembering the car that had skidded off the road.

"You okay?" Kara asked, approaching the car's driver door.

The driver rolled the window down and nodded, saying, "Yeah, I'm good, thanks. Just barely hit the curb, thank God."

Kara blushed slightly, hoping the driver hadn't seen her stop the car.

"Glad you're okay," she said quickly.

She then turned back to Lena, but not before noticing the small dent in the hood where her hands had been.

~!~!~

"Fuck, this is hard," Kara huffed, once they'd sat down with their food at the café and opened their books.

"You're not the only one who feels that way," Lena told her, her tone one of sincerity and understanding.

Kara raised an eyebrow, asking, "You struggled with it too?"

Hesitating, Lena answered, "Well… No… _I_ didn't. But plenty of people do…"

A blush rose to Kara's cheeks as she nodded, slightly ashamed of the fact that it was so difficult for her but so easy for Lena.

Soon, the two forgot their studies as they became distracted by the meal – which was more appetizing than Lena had expected – and more so… each other's company.

"God, Lena," Kara laughed loudly, after the girl had deadpanned a joke that Kara found to be hysterical. "You're too much."

Raising her gaze and smiling at Kara, Lena's cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.

"Nah," she chuckled. "I just know how to tell a joke. Besides, you're weird. Of course you'd find that funny."

"Hey!" Kara cried. "I'm not weird!" After a pause, and noticing the smug smirk Lena was wearing, Kara huffed, "Okay. Maybe a little weird. But you have a great sense of humor, so…"

Raising an eyebrow, Lena shrugged her shoulders.

"At least somebody thinks so."

Kara smiled at her and took her final bite of her meal.

"We've hardly studied," Kara suddenly noticed.

"You got distracted by my dirty jokes."

"Okay, maybe. But that's not my fault!" Kara protested. "You're a riot!"

"It's getting late," Lena said, looking out the window at the sunset. "I should probably get going."

"Yeah, me too," Kara sighed, wiggling her feet anxiously as her stomach dropped with the painful realization that she didn't want to leave.

"Come on," Lena said gently. "Let's go."

"Alright. Let me pay the bill."

"Hell no!" Lena cried, but Kara had already waved over the waiter and shoved her card into his hand before Lena could remove hers from her wallet.

Grinning, Kara announced, "That's for being the best tutor ever."

Rolling her eyes and letting out a huff of protest, Lena rose from her seat, put on her coat, and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Alright. We're out," Kara said, a hint of her disappointment in her voice.

When Lena noticed the sound of regret there, she paused. Was Kara really reluctant to leave? Lena had to admit, it had been a great time. And honestly, it felt good not to have to put up the customary Luthor front. It was just… them. Alone, having a civil conversation. No walls, no façade. Just… Kara and Lena.

Before they could leave, though, the waiter suddenly appeared beside Lena, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he stared at the brunette while nervously fidgeting with his hands.

"Hey, uh… Pardon me, but… Is there any chance I could… ask you out? I couldn't help but notice how stunning you were, and I—" the waiter tried, biting his lip as he looked up at Lena hopefully.

Lena laughed. Straight-up laughed. She couldn't even hold it in. This kid had no idea.

"Thanks, kid, but you're a bit too young for me," Lena replied, noticing that this guy must've been no older than fifteen or sixteen.

Not to mention… he was a guy.

Kara rolled her eyes, feeling a sudden pang of jealousy, in conjunction with a surprising amount of relief that Lena had said no, as she escorted Lena out of the building.

Outside, the two paused as they looked up at the sunset with wonder.

"Gosh that's pretty," Kara breathed, staring.

"You're a sap," Lena chuckled, playfully nudging Kara's shoulder.

Somewhat surprised by the teasing gesture, and the fact that Lena was willing to touch her at all, Kara looked over at her and blinked a few times.

 _It's not as pretty as you, though,_ she was thinking, as she gazed into Lena's bright green eyes. They were, Kara had to admit, quite stunning.

"Hey… What's the stupidest pickup line you've ever heard?" Lena asked, turning back to Kara.

"What, me?"

"Yeah, you. Obviously you. Who the hell else am I talking to?" Lena laughed. "Just tell me one."

"Alright, alright," Kara chuckled. "This one's really stupid. Ready?" When Lena nodded, Kara finished, "I'm not your boss, but I can tell you what time you get off."

"Oh, my God! Someone actually said that to you?!" Lena howled, unable to stop the laughter that escaped her.

"Yeah. It was pathetic," Kara replied with a smirk. "He was a freshman. Anyway, what's the worst one you've heard?"

"Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes."

Kara paused, then said, "Uh, actually… that one's not bad."

"What?" Lena gaped. "That's _terrible._ So cheesy!"

 _But it's true,_ Kara was thinking, as she once again fell into Lena's deep orbs of green.

"Anyway," Lena said, noticing Kara's blank stare. "Want one that's actually cute? No one's said this to me before, but it's kinda funny."

Kara smiled and nodded, saying, "Go for it."

"Hey… Feel my shirt," Lena said, tugging on the hem and moving it towards Kara's hand.

Kara, totally confused, reached out cautiously and felt it, tilting her head slightly.

"Know what it's made of?" Lena asked, holding back a smirk.

Kara shrugged and let go.

"Girlfriend material!" Lena giggled.

Kara blushed and asked, "Actually, that is cute… But… girlfriend? Not boyfriend?"

Lena blinked a few times, realizing she'd likely given her orientation away. Then, she realized… Kara wasn't going to tell anyone. She wasn't that type. No, Lena didn't _trust_ her… but Kara wasn't one to tell secrets. And after all… She hadn't told about Lena's science experiment in the bathroom, so…

In response, Lena shrugged and asked, "So?"

Kara raised an eyebrow and replied, "I dunno. I just didn't think you were… into girls."

Lena shrugged with a smile, and Kara's lips parted. Stunned into silence, she gazed at Lena, first at her eyes, then dropped her attention to Lena's lips. Blushing but unable to look away, Kara felt her spine tingle – something she'd never experienced before.

"See something you like?" Lena boldly teased, noticing Kara's stare.

It wasn't like Lena to tease in that particular way, but she couldn't help herself. After all, Kara _was_ staring directly at her. And then… Kara licked her lips, finally tearing her eyes away.

"I, um… No, I just… I was—" Kara stammered, looking at her shoes with intense focus.

"Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"Look at me for a second."

Swallowing hard, ashamed of the way she was reacting but unable to get it under control, Kara lifted her chin.

"I don't think you're annoying. Actually… You're pretty funny. And it's… kinda cute."

Mouth hanging open wider, without her consent, Kara thought in disbelief, _Wait, is she into me? Quick, make a_ _ **bad**_ _joke and see if she laughs._

Then, she reasoned, _There's no way, though…_

Still, she offered, "Did you hear the one about the skeleton who didn't go to the party?"

Lena shook her head.

"He had no body to go with!"

If Lena had been drinking anything, she would have spat it out as she cackled, "Kara, that's so funny!"

Kara stared. Usually, she would've laughed at her own joke, but instead, she thought of Lena's reaction and told herself, _Well that's not a fair test. That joke's hilarious._

Then, startling Kara, Lena doubled over, still laughing, and put her hand on Kara's shoulder to steady herself.

In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to touch Lena. To slide her hands in Lena's hair. To—

 _Snap out of it!_ Kara screamed internally. _Don't. DON'T._

"Tell me your best one," Lena requested, finally recovering from her fit of laughter.

Kara, still red from embarrassment, forced herself to say, "You're stalling."

Lena shrugged and replied nonchalantly, "Maybe."

Eyes widening slightly, Kara answered, "Okay. Best one ever. Ready?" When Lena nodded, Kara continued, "There's only one thing I want to change about you… and that's your last name."

It was Lena's turn to go wide-eyed as she said, "Wow. That's… actually adorable…"

Kara nodded with a smile and turned her attention back to the setting sun.

"We should get going," Kara announced solemnly. "It's getting colder anyway."

Surprised by her own reluctance, Lena nodded her head weakly and agreed, "Alright. See you tomorrow?"

Smiling broadly at the offer of another intentional encounter with Lena, Kara replied, "You bet. Take care of yourself, Lena. I'll be one call away if you need me. Don't hesitate, okay?"

Lena smiled back and nodded her head more enthusiastically.

"Thanks, Girl Scout."

Rolling her eyes, Kara nudged her shoulder as Lena had done to her earlier and walked Lena to her car in silence.

"Hey, wait," Lena said after rolling down the car window, when Kara politely shut the door for her.

"Yeah?" Kara asked, looking down at Lena.

"Get in, Loser. I'm bringing you home."

Lena was grinning – a beautiful sight that Kara had yet to see prior to that evening, and it stunned her. The girl's radiance was overwhelming. Even in the darkness, her beauty lit up Kara's vision.

"You really don't have to—" Kara protested, but Lena interrupted her.

"Get in."

Biting her lip, Kara did as she was told, rounding the car and sliding into the passenger's side.

All the way to Kara's house, Lena shuffled her music, showing off her varied taste in genres and artists.

"Wow, Lena," Kara breathed. "Your collection is amazing."

Shrugging, Lena replied, "I know. Not to mention, I have several albums signed by various musicians."

Raising her eyebrows, Kara asked, "Seriously?"

"Yeah… My mom has connections."

Kara rolled her eyes and chuckled, "Of course."

"Anyway… Thanks for letting me drive you home," Lena said, pulling into Kara's driveway.

"Don't mention it," Kara replied with a smile. Then, she furrowed her brow and said, "Wait. Why are _you_ thanking _me?_ "

"It's just… nice to… spend… I don't know. Nevermind. I'll see you tomorrow."

Blinking, Kara said, "Okay," not having the energy or concentration to challenge Lena to finish the sentence. "Goodnight, Miss Luthor."

Lena stared at her as she slid out of the vehicle. _Miss Luthor?_ she was thinking. _What the hell is wrong with this girl? What the hell is wrong with_ _ **me?**_

The duration of the way home, all Lena could think about was Kara's bright smile, and alone in her bedroom, all Kara could think about was Lena's laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I grabbed the "bad joke" from Tumblr. Hope this gave you guys a chuckle. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, uh… Do you maybe want to come over tonight?" Kara asked shyly, after they'd spent the afternoon goofing off in the library, rather than studying.

Kara couldn't understand where all her confidence went in front of Lena, and Lena couldn't understand how she was able to let go of the reins for a while around Kara. Neither were used to the dynamic. The playfulness. The good-natured bickering. The… flirtatiousness?

Lena laughed and replied, "You think I'd want to spend time with you?"

Kara blinked, confused by the sudden change in tune, until Lena put her hand over Kara's and chuckled, "I'm kidding, Four Eyes. Yeah, I'll come over for a bit. I just have to let my mom know that I'm… staying late at school to study."

Lena winked – actually _winked –_ causing Kara to gape at her before asking, "You're going to lie to your mother so you can hang out with me?"

"Why not?" Lena questioned with a shrug. "Do you have any idea how boring my life is outside of school? I literally sit around doing homework or writing in my diary."

Nearly reaching up to cover her mouth in regret of the confession about her diary, Lena bit her lip and began to blush.

"You have a diary?" Kara asked, sounding surprised.

"Shut up," Lena snapped. "Don't say a word."

"That's so cool. I'd _kill_ to see what Miss Lena Luthor writes in that book. I'm sure it's in a fire-proof safe with a combination lock, though," Kara chuckled.

"Actually, it's only activated by my fingerprint…"

Kara smirked and replied, "Of course. How did I not know?"

Shrugging, Lena asked, "We going or what?"

"Lead the way, Princess," Kara offered, then immediately regretted her words.

"Don't. Call. Me. That," Lena barked. "Ever."

Raising an eyebrow, Kara replied, "Okay. Sorry."

But something in Lena's stomach was turning, twisting… erupting. _Princess._ She felt as if she might faint.

She stayed silent until they got to Kara's house, where Lena reversed the car into the driveway and hesitated before turning off the engine, leaving accessories on to keep the music playing.

"What's the matter?" Kara asked, concern in her voice.

It wasn't like Lena to be quiet.

"I was just… wondering…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you maybe want to like… open the sunroof and look at the stars?"

Staring blankly, Kara replied, "Lena… It's freezing outside."

"I know, but… we're bundled, and… you know… music."

Kara considered this, hesitating, and protested half-heartedly, "I don't want you to get cold."

"Then bring me inside for hot chocolate after."

"You like hot chocolate?"

"Of course, silly. I'm human, after all."

Kara bit her lip and looked away, mumbling. "Okay. Maybe for a little bit."

Leaning the seat back, Lena relaxed in the driver's seat until Kara followed suit.

"Kara," Lena said suddenly, after a long bout of silence.

"Yeah?" Kara asked, turning her head to look at Lena instead of the stars.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

"Y-Yeah… D-Definitely," Kara stammered, unable to admit that the beauty she was staring at was actually Lena herself.

"What's the matter?" the brunette asked, hearing the girl's stutter.

"N-Nothing. It's just… cold."

"Do you want to go inside?"

"Not yet."

"Are you sure?"

"Shh. I like this song," Kara teased, turning up the volume.

"Do you know every single song I have?" Lena laughed. "You're ridiculously good with music."

"Probably, yeah. And so are you."

With a grin, Lena gave Kara's shoulder a playful shove and retorted, "And so modest."

In return, Kara teased, "Yeah, yeah. Look who's talking."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lena snapped.

"It means you're not modest either, smartass."

Lena shrugged and admitted, "I put up a good front."

Brow furrowing, Kara looked concerned by the implications of what Lena had just said. Her confidence was all a façade? How could that be? Lena was the most self-assured person Kara knew. But Kara knew all about façades.

"Lena…" Kara whispered, committing to five seconds of bravery and putting her hand on the girl's forearm.

"Don't."

"Lena."

"Drop it. Forget I said that."

"You don't… You don't have to put up a front with me, you know."

Biting her lip reflexively, Lena found herself staring into Kara's piercing blue eyes, causing her heart rate to jump.

"I—" Lena tried to protest, but felt the sharp, newly familiar pain in her chest as her heart raced.

"Lena?" Kara asked, sitting up in her seat when she saw the look of pain on the girl's face.

Lena said nothing, but Kara could see her breaths becoming shallowed and labored. She knew what was coming.

"Hey," Kara said quickly. "You're okay. You're okay."

"K-Kara," Lena whimpered, groping for Kara's hand.

Eyes wide with shock, Kara allowed Lena to hold her hand and returned the grip, though not as firmly. Luckily for Kara, her super strength prevented her from feeling like her bones were going to break. Lena was squeezing hard, and Kara could tell she was scared. On instinct, she leaned over slightly and stroked Lena's hair back, as it had fallen in her eyes upon sitting up.

"K-Ka—"

"Shh. Lena," Kara whispered, giving Lena's hand a firmer squeeze. "I've got you. Breathe for me."

"I c-can't," Lena panted.

"Yes, you can, Lena. Come on, honey. In slowly. One… two… three…"

Had Lena not been in a state of shock and panic, she might have noticed that Kara's strategy and Supergirl's were one in the same.

"Kara," Lena sobbed, feeling the terrified, angry tears of frustration roll down her cheeks. "I'm s-sor—"

"Shh," Kara cooed. "I'm right here. It'll pass. Remember the footsteps?"

The brunette hesitated before nodding.

"Good girl. Put all of those things in the footprints. Let them wash away, okay?"

Lena started to breathe – really breathe – and squeezed her eyes shut as Kara continued to stroke her hair back without really noticing what she was doing.

"See?" Kara said softly. "All gone."

After a few more gasping breaths, Lena's heart began to slow, and she lifted her watch to check the beats per minute. 75. Not low enough, but far from dangerous. When she opened her eyes and found Kara nearly leaning over her and really began to feel the pressure of the girl's fingers in her hair, Lena's heart began to sputter, its irregular beat returning after only a short break. Before it could get out of control again, she squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

"You okay?" Kara asked gently, letting her free hand drop to her side.

It was then that they both realized they were both still holding hands.

Lena let go, and Kara felt a loss.

"I'm… I'm fine," Lena lied, opening her eyes again but this time avoiding Kara's gaze. "I should go."

"What?" Kara asked. "But…"

"I gotta go, Kara."

"Are you cold? We can go inside and get—"

"Kara. I need to go."

"Did I… Did I do something wrong?" Kara asked, biting down hard on her lower lip to keep herself from crying at the sudden cold shoulder.

 _Hardly,_ Lena was thinking. _You're just too fucking perfect for me to stand._

"I have to go," was all Lena could manage, a broken, half-hearted mantra.

Kara, giving up her protest in favor of respecting Lena's wishes, nodded her head and got out of the car, grabbed her things from the back seat, and said, "Thank you. Have a good night, Lena. Take care of yourself."

 _Why does she always have to say that?_ Lena wondered, feeling flustered as she peeled out of the driveway and sped home.

Kara couldn't bring herself to go inside as she watched the car tear down the street in the snow.

"Be safe, Lena," she sighed to herself, rubbing her temples. "I'm sorry."

Not wanting Alex to see her cry, Kara sat down on the front steps and let the tears out, feeling completely alone and thoroughly confused.

~!~!~

Lying in bed that night, Lena could only feel Kara's phantom touch on her hand, hair, and forehead. Something about it was comforting, and something else about it burned. The burning won out, and Lena only knew one way to stop it, so she dug through her nightstand for the razors and let herself feel something different.

That kind of pain, Lena reasoned, was far better than the confusion she felt while living her reality.

~!~!~

Two days passed with Lena virtually ignoring Kara, and Kara felt it more deeply than she'd felt anything else. Confusion and pain coursed through her veins, distracting her from all of her classes and studies. She failed two tests without much thought. In that state, she couldn't have cared less. Wanting answers but knowing she'd get none from Lena, Kara spent her breaks between classes crying in the bathroom.

 _What did I do?_ Kara wanted to know, as she sat in the bathroom stall with her head in her hands, crying silently. _What is fucking wrong with me? I shouldn't have touched her. I should have left it alone. I should've—_

But she was torn from her self-deprecating thoughts by the sound of someone else crying. Gasping for air. No… Not crying… _Sobbing._ There was only one person Kara knew who sounded like that when they cried, and Kara knew the sound all too well, because she hated it. Hated the sound of that misery. Hated knowing the girl was hurt.

"L-Lena?" Kara asked in a hushed whisper.

Shocked, but too shaken to speak, Lena continued to cry. A moment later, Kara heard a louder gasp, but this one sounded different. It sounded like… pain.

"Lena," Kara pressed, wiping her own eyes on her sleeve. "Are you okay?" Silence. "Look… Lena… You don't have to talk to me. You don't have to explain why you hate me, okay? Just tell me if you're—"

Lena let out a gasp.

Knowing something was wrong, but not knowing what, Kara stood up and burst out of the stall.

"Lena, let me in," Kara begged. When the girl in the stall continued to sob, Kara raised her voice and said, "Lena! Unlock the door."

Hesitating only briefly, Lena reached out with a shaking hand and opened the door.

Kara jerked it open as soon as she heard the sound of the metal latch turning, finding Lena with her pants down, panties still on, bleeding from her thigh, with a razor in her hand.

"Lena!" Kara cried. "Oh, fuck."

Dropping to her knees in front of Lena, Kara grabbed a wad of toilet paper and pressed it to the girl's wound. "Hold this," Kara said quickly, pressing Lena's hand over the paper.

But Lena didn't. She let the paper fall to the floor.

"Lena," Kara choked out, her voice cracking as tears filled her eyes. "Please."

Then, Kara noticed her swaying on the toilet. She was dizzy. Looking down, Kara noticed how much blood had dripped into the porcelain bowl, making the water a deep shade of red, and it was still gushing from the wound.

"Oh, God, Lena…" Kara breathed, feeling her heart stop. "Come on. We've gotta get you to the hospital."

Vigorously shaking her head, Lena shoved Kara, but Kara didn't budge. Not waiting for consent, Kara dragged Lena to her feet, jerked her pants up – letting the blood soak her jeans – and carried her out of the bathroom, bridal style. Just as Supergirl had done.

Kara wanted nothing more than to change into her super suit and fly Lena there, but she knew that would blow her cover and wasn't possible, so she called an ambulance and nearly had a panic attack herself as she waited.

"Come on, come on, come _on,_ " Kara breathed, sitting on the front steps of the school as they waited, holding Lena against her body.

By then, Lena's blood was pouring down her leg, and she was fading enough that she was unresponsive. She'd lost too much blood.

 _Please, don't let her have hit an artery_ , Kara silently begged.

Even with her X-ray vision, she couldn't quite tell with all the blood. Two minutes later, the ambulance arrived.

"I'm going with her, Kara said firmly, when the paramedic tried to take Lena from her.

"I'm afraid not, Miss," the man said, shaking his head. "We'll take it from here."

"Like hell you will," Kara growled, pushing him aside with a little more strength than she'd intended and loading Lena into the ambulance herself.

The paramedics were far too surprised by the girl's forwardness and persistence to protest further, so they went quiet and allowed Kara to sit next to the stretcher, holding Lena's hand the whole way.

Kara followed the paramedics into the emergency room when they arrived at the hospital, refusing to leave Lena's side. It took them a while to patch her up, but eventually, they stopped the bleeding and stabilized her enough to give her a blood transfusion.

"She'll be okay," the doctor said. "But visiting hours are over. She'll need to stay for monitoring overnight. We're putting her on a 24 hour suicide watch."

"I'm not leaving," Kara asserted.

"We called her mother. She is aware, and she'll be here to pick her up tomorrow night."

"I'm. Not. Leaving," Kara said sternly.

Too annoyed by the girl's stubbornness to argue further, the doctor and the nurse beside him agreed to let her stay.

Kara spent the night awake, sitting beside Lena in a chair that she pulled close enough to hold Lena's hand. She couldn't stop thinking about the doctor's words: 'suicide watch.' Well… Kara stayed up _almost_ the whole night. Around the time the sun rose, her head dropped to the bed, unintentionally resting on top of the hand Kara was holding and fell asleep. Lena woke shortly after, confused at first, but eyes going wide as soon as she saw Kara's golden hair covering her face.

"K-Kara," Lena stammered, her mouth dry from lack of drinking water for the past 12 hours.

The blonde didn't respond, so Lena bit her lip and shyly brushed the girl's hair from her face. Her features were soft and glowing in the early morning light, and it made Lena's stomach turn.

"Kara," she repeated, with a little more conviction.

"Nnng," Kara moaned, scrunching her face in protest as she finally felt the sting of the sun in her eyes. "W-What the—"

But she quickly realized where she was and remembered what had happened, immediately woken by this epiphany.

"Lena!" she cried, upon sitting up. "You're okay!"

Lena's mouth fell open. Kara had brought her to the hospital. Had probably saved her from bleeding out. Had… had protected her from herself. And no one – _no one_ – had ever been able to do that before. Lena had always been her own worst enemy. Now, she was realizing that Kara seemed to be her only ally.

"I…" Lena tried, but trailed off when she realized that Kara was crying.

Really, truly crying. Crying hard. In fact, her cheeks were soaked in a brief moment, and soon, Lena felt Kara's tears dripping onto their hands, which were still joined. Briefly torn from her disbelief of Kara's tears, Lena stared down at their hands. Kara hadn't let go all night, and there was a slight indent from where Kara's face had rested while she slept.

"Kara," Lena finally breathed, when she recognized that Kara couldn't seem to stop crying. "Kara, it's okay."

"But you—"

"Shh. It's okay. I'm okay."

"You're not okay!" Kara screamed, far louder than she'd intended.

"Hey," Lena said sternly. "Easy. You're going to wake the other patients."

"I don't care," Kara barked defiantly. "You're _not_ okay, and we both know it."

"Kara…"

"No, Lena. You're not okay. You need to get—"

"Don't you fucking say 'help.' Don't. Fucking. Say it."

Kara's mouth fell open as she stared at Lena's face, noting the anger that was building there to accompany the sharp tone she'd suddenly adopted.

"You know what, Lena?" Kara finally snapped. "I'll say whatever the hell I want. You. Need. To. Get. Help. This can't happen again. You could've—"

"Fuck you," Lena spat. "I'm _fine._ "

"No. No, you're not. And I'm _not_ going to sit here and let you do this."

"It's not your choice!" Lena cried. "It's my life!"

"You sound like a child!" Kara shouted back. Then, realizing that she was conveying anger, rather than her actual feelings of fear, terror, and concern, Kara softened her tone and told the girl, "Please. Please, let me find someone to help. Please. You don't have to do this alone."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't," Kara challenged. "You're not getting rid of me. You don't have to talk to me. You don't have to like me. You just have to know that I'm here. And that I'll always be here. I'm not going to leave you alone, Lena. You can leave me, but I won't do the same to you."

Lena felt herself choking on something. On… what, though? Air? No… She was choking on her feelings. Choking on her self-loathing. Choking on Kara's dedication and acts of kindness.

"Okay. Fine," Lena said coldly, finally gathering her Luthor strength. "Then I want you to leave this room and not come back. We're not friends. We're nothing."

It was Kara's turn to feel her throat tighten and close up on her, locking the words she wanted to say deep inside.

 _I love you,_ she thought. _Please, don't make me go._

But Kara couldn't say it. Couldn't speak the words. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't talk. Couldn't function.

All she could do was to get up, leave the room, and collapse in the hallway, sobbing, leaving Lena to do the same.


	7. Chapter 7

Kara spent the next three days in her room, not eating, sleeping, or drinking.

"Kara," Alex called out, twisting the locked doorknob. "Come on. At least have some water."

"Just leave me alone, Alex," Kara replied, rubbing the tears from her eyes and trying not to sound like she was crying.

"Can you just let me in and tell me what's going on? I'm worried. Come have something to drink."

"I'm not thirsty," Kara lied. "Please, go away."

"You haven't been to school in three days, Kara. You have to go tomorrow."

"You're not my mom," Kara shot back angrily.

"No, but I'm your sister. If you're not out here in the morning eating breakfast with a huge glass of OJ, I'm breaking the door down and kicking your ass."

Kara rolled her eyes and fell back on the bed, clutching her pillow to her chest.

Right now, she didn't even want to be Supergirl. She wanted to waste away to nothing.

Of course, that wouldn't happen, given her superpowers. Still, she felt the urge to punch herself in the face for whatever she'd done to hurt Lena. What was Lena even so angry with her for? Kara didn't know, and that was probably the worst part. But how could Lena have laid there, holding her hand, assuring her that she was okay, and then completely rejected her like that? Kara knew she wasn't perfect, but the mixed signals from Lena had become overwhelming, and Kara was starting to feel something she'd never felt before: worthless. It could have been 100 things that Lena hated about her, Kara reasoned. She thought back to the few nights they'd had together, laughing, eating, listening to music… It was all so confusing. Where did it go wrong? Where did she ruin their budding friendship? Or whatever it was.

Unable to figure this out, Kara resigned herself to her room where she continued to isolate for the next two days. (Alex, of course, was unable to break the door down, and therefore couldn't make her go to school.)

Kara missed the following Monday too. Her end of the semester projects were due. She was going to fail. They'd hold her back.

She didn't care.

She'd ruined whatever she'd managed to have with Lena. That was all that mattered.

 _I'm so pathetic,_ she ruminated. _I should've just left her alone. Then I wouldn't feel like this. Look at me, moping like a fucking child. And what about Supergirl? I should at least go do that. I could forget school and just go out to work. Or… I could stay in bed and never leave my room again. Yeah… That sounds good. Forget Supergirl. What's the point anyway?_

But Kara knew what the point was. She knew she cared about saving innocent people. But the depression she'd fallen into was too deep to dig herself out of alone, so she stayed in her room the rest of the day, until finally, her phone rang.

"Come downstairs," Alex said into the phone.

"Ugh! Fuck off, Alex. I told you, I'm not coming out."

"Get down here, now. You need to see what's on TV."

"I don't _care_ , Alex!"

"Supergirl would care."

"Yeah, well… Not right now she doesn't."

So Kara hung up the phone. Ironically, the phone rang again about ten minutes later.

"Fuck _off_ , Alex! I'm not coming down so just leave me alone!" Kara screamed.

"Um… This isn't Alex," the voice said gently, sounding confused.

Kara froze. That was Lena's voice.

She looked down at her phone and saw the caller ID. Lena Luthor. _No way,_ Kara thought. _This isn't happening._

"Who is it then?" Kara asked dumbly, then instantly slapped herself in the forehead for her stupid question.

"You know it's me, dipshit."

Kara bit her lip, feeling tears well in her eyes. She wasn't sure if she was about to cry because Lena called her a dipshit, or because she was so relieved to hear the voice she never thought she'd hear again.

"Lena, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Kara finally blurted. "I don't know what else to say. I'm really, really sorry that I'm such a fuck-up and that I can't do anything right by you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I—"

"Hurt me?"

"Well… Yeah. I mean… Didn't I? Isn't that why you told me to leave?"

Lena laughed bitterly. It was a sound Kara hadn't heard in a long time, and it was one she didn't miss. The original Lena Luthor was back.

"No, Kara," Lena finally said. "I told you to leave because I can't stand to look at you."

"Oh. Um…" Kara said, dumbfounded by the intensity of the insult. Then, choking up, Kara asked, "I mean, why'd you call then?"

"Wait… Kara… That came out totally wrong. That wasn't… That wasn't the whole thing."

"There's more?"

Now it was Kara's turn to release a bitter laugh.

"Yeah."

"Shoot, then. I can take it."

"You don't understand, Kara."

"Okay. Enlighten me, then," Kara offered, feeling a sudden burst of irritation growing.

Was Lena seriously calling her just to insult her? _But hey,_ Kara reasoned. _I probably deserve it._

"I can't look at you anymore because I can't see anything but your shining eyes, your perfect lips, and your adorable nose."

"Uh… What?" Kara asked dumbly.

"You're so fucking dense," Lena sighed. "You have no idea how hard this is for me, and you're just making it harder. Can you just shut up and listen?"

Kara was silent, shocked, and horrified by the way this conversation was going.

"I read you completely wrong, Kara," Lena explained. "I look at you and see you look back at me with… something in your eyes that I can't explain. Something I've never seen before. And it feels… it feels like… I don't know."

"Oh… kay…"

"I know what I want it to be, and I know that it's not, and it hurts, so I just… need it to stop, okay?"

"Lena…" Kara said, after a long pause. "I think you're right. I am dense. Because I really, really have no fucking idea what you're talking about."

"Say my name again," Lena said suddenly, her voice shaking.

"Huh?"

"Say my name one last time before I hang up."

"Wait, don't hang up!"

"Please, just say my name, Kara."

"Lena, come _on!_ "

The call clicked over, signaling that Lena had ended it, leaving Kara even more shocked and confused.

"Fuck!" Kara screamed, wanting to throw her phone at the wall and shatter it.

She refrained though, on the slim, slim chance that Lena called her back someday. Kara knew she'd take another session of berating and insulting in a heartbeat just to hear her voice again.

Only a few minutes passed, though, before Kara's trembling hands, covered in her own tears, grabbed her phone again. She tapped on Lena's name and waited for the phone to ring. It only rang once before going straight to voicemail, telling Kara that Lena had rejected the call.

She tried again. One ring, call declined.

Just as she was about to give up, Kara thought back on Lena's words.

_I know what I want it to be, and I know that it's not, and it hurts, so I just… need it to stop, okay?_

"Wait…" Kara said out loud, to herself. "Was she trying to…" Gasping, Kara cursed, "Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck," and immediately tapped Lena's name again, this time praying that the girl would answer the call.

"What do you want, Kara?"

 _Come on, Supergirl. Think fast,_ Kara was thinking. _Think. Think!_

"I wanted to hear you say my name again."

The other end of the line went dead silent, and Kara almost thought Lena had ended the call, but when she pulled her phone away from her face to check, the call was still connected.

"Lena?"

"Kara," Lena said, her voice dropping to a whisper.

The hero fell back onto her bed and let out a sigh of relief.

"Just needed to hear it one last time before you gave up on me. Thank you for answering the call."

"Well, you were just going to keep calling if I didn't," Lena replied, with a slightly playful tone.

"That's true," Kara agreed seriously. "I would have."

"Why?"

"Because I… I needed to hear it. And… I need you to clarify what you meant. If you're going to cut me out of your life, I'll respect that, but… I'd really appreciate an explanation. Like, a real one. Not a bunch of inarticulate, jumbled words."

"Hey!" Lena snapped. "I'm not inarticulate!"

"Then explain. Please, Lena."

"Fucking hell, Danvers. I… The night I had that panic attack in front of you, when we were in the car… and you looked at me… calmed me down… played with my hair… held my hand… I thought…"

"What?" Kara asked, receiving silence in return. "Lena, what did you think?"

"I thought you were looking at me as… I don't know. More than just friends, I guess."

Kara felt a lump rise in her throat.

"Maybe you're the idiot," she said, her voice hushed and low.

"Excuse me?" Lena said in disbelief.

"I was looking at you as more than just a friend, you dweeb," Kara sighed. "Why do you think I brought you to the hospital? Why do you think I stayed with you? Why do you think it was so fucking hard for me to leave?"

"Because you're stubborn and feel obligated to care for others, just like Supergirl?"

Kara hesitated. She wanted to tell Lena, right then and there. She really did. But she couldn't. She _knew_ she couldn't.

So instead, she just replied, "No, Lena. I care for _you_."

"But I'm a Luthor," Lena said simply.

"You are. You're Lena Luthor. Your own person. Your own strong, smart, funny, independent person."

"Kara…"

"Yes?"

"I have something else to tell you."

Swallowing hard, Kara waited to hear more.

"Supergirl might have superpowers… and she might have saved me from a plane crash… but you, Kara Danvers… You're my hero."

Thinking she might faint and feeling grateful that she was already laying down, Kara went quiet.

"Hey… You there?" Lena pressed.

"Uh-huh."

"Did you hear me?"

"I… um…"

"Kara?"

"Yes. Yes, I heard you. I… I'm just…"

"Yes?"

"I thought you hated me…"

"I could never hate you, Kara. I just… can't be around you. Does that make sense?"

"No… Not really."

"I can't look at you, looking at me like that, and not want… more…"

"Well… Why can't we have more?" Kara asked shyly, gathering all the courage she could to speak the words.

"What do you mean?"

"Yeah, you're a little dense tonight."

"Kara Danvers! Tell me what the hell you meant!"

"Now you know how I felt," Kara laughed lightly.

"Not funny. What are you talking about?"

Lena was beginning to feel anxious. Surely, she wasn't about to…

No. No way. Kara wouldn't. Despite what she'd said, there was no way Kara was going to say—

"Fuck," Lena gasped suddenly, before Kara could respond. "Kara, I can't—"

Hearing the tone of panic in her voice, Kara could tell she was feeling a panic attack coming on, so she whispered, "Hey. Lena. It's okay. I'm right here. Just breathe."

"But I—"

"Shh. We'll talk about it in the morning at school, okay? Just… focus on your breathing right now. Put all of your stuff in the footprints."

Lena squeezed her eyes shut and pictured her razors. They needed to go in the footsteps, but Lena hated the thought of that being washed away from her. No, she needed them. Needed the escape, just in case.

"Lena?"

"Yeah. Yeah…"

"Footsteps," Kara reminded her, sensing her getting off track. "Stay with it."

Lena forced herself to place the razors carefully in a footprint in the sand, then filled the next one with her own self-loathing. In the third, she placed her doubts about Kara's feelings. About what they had. Then, she watched in her mind as the razors faded into the ocean and took her self-loathing with them. But before the sea could wash away the third item – her doubts about Kara – she picked them up, out of the sand, and clutched them to her chest.

 _Love is weakness,_ Lena's mother had told her long ago, when she'd come home from elementary school with her first crush. _Don't. You can't let this happen._

"Lena? Are you with me?"

The word "no" bubbled out of Lena's mouth. Then, she corrected herself, saying, "Yes. Yes, I'm with you."

"Lena… What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I can't do this."

Kara let out a heavy sigh.

"Lena… Why?"

"Because Luthors don't love people, and people don't love Luthors."

"For fuck's sake, Lena. You are not your last name. You are not your mother. You are not your family. You're just… you. Just Lena."

"Maybe to you, but—"

"Yes, Lena. To me, you're just you. That's what I've been telling you all along. You don't have to be anyone or anything else. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be you."

"Even if I cut?"

"What…?"

"You'll still care, even if I cut? Even if I don't stop?"

"Lena, you _have_ to stop! You can't keep—"

"Yes, I can, Kara. It's my choice."

Sighing again, Kara reluctantly replied, "Yes, I'd love you no matter what."

She hadn't meant to say it like that. Hadn't meant to say "love" in that context. But there it was, just like every other stupid thing she'd said to Lena.

_Fuck._

"Care. I'd still care."

Lena couldn't stop the smile that spread over her lips.

Confidence suddenly mounting, she challenged, "You said love."

"You're insufferable," Kara huffed.

"Kara… Will you come get me?"

"Sure, but it'll be a while. I don't have a car, remember?"

"Oh, shit. No, don't walk in this weather. It's still cold. I'll come to you. I mean… if that's okay."

"Right now?" Kara asked hesitantly.

"Sure. Unless you don't want me to."

"I do," Kara quickly told her. "Please. Please. I haven't left my room in a week though. Can I have twenty minutes to shower?"

"You what?"

"Uh… I mean…"

"Kara, you've been holed up in your room this entire time?"

"I was distraught, okay?! I thought you hated me!"

"Oh, Kara… Sweet Kara…"

The hero blushed, gripping the phone a little tighter as her palms began to sweat.

"Uh… I gotta go get clean. I'll… um… see you when you get here."

"Kara?"

"Yeah."

"Make sure you wash behind your ears."

Kara had to laugh at this. Lena was so incredibly good at making her laugh. How was it that one girl could bring on so many emotions in such a short span of time?

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that Lena didn't hate her. That Lena cared for her too. That was all Kara could think about for the next twenty-five minutes as she showered and then waited quietly downstairs for Lena to arrive. Luckily, Alex was asleep upstairs and didn't hear her descend the creaky old staircase. And that… was a miracle.

Kara felt her heart leap when she heard Lena's car pull into the driveway. When she opened the door, Lena was standing there with flowers – beautiful pink roses.

"I know you like pink," Lena commented with a shrug, looking down.

"W-What are these for?" Kara asked her, dumbfounded by the gesture for a second time.

"For… For liking me, despite my name."

 _Like isn't the word,_ Kara was thinking, but she didn't want to overdo the 'love' thing just yet.

"Come inside," Kara offered with a nervous smile.

Lena shook her head and countered with, "Put the flowers away. Then we're going for ice cream."

"What?"

"Hurry up, Four Eyes."

Lena's smirk made Kara's heart flutter, so she did as she was told and hurried back to the foyer where Lena was waiting for her.

"Ready?" the brunette asked.

Kara nodded and followed Lena out to the car.

They were oddly quiet until they reached the ice cream parlor, where Lena put the car in park but left the music on.

"I love this song," she sighed happily, leaning back in the seat.

"Me too," Kara agreed with a smile. "But we should go inside. It's getting late, and we have school tomorrow."

"Don't be such a spoil-sport, Danvers," Lena laughed, opening the door and stepping out.

Kara followed her into the parlor, and the two ordered their ice creams, Kara ordering a medium, and Lena ordering a small.

"Yikes," Kara said, upon seeing the large size of the 'medium' ice cream. "I think I overshot."

"Dare you to finish it!" Lena cried with a grin. "Bet you can't."

"Challenge accepted," Kara replied, immediately beginning to lick the already-dripping ice cream.

"Let's go sit in the car, though," Lena offered. "Music."

Kara nodded.

Lena finished her ice cream slowly, and soon, Kara had just a little bit left too.

"Ughhh," she groaned, feeling her stomach turn.

She'd definitely overdone it.

"I haven't eaten in a week."

"You what?"

"Uh… nothing. Anyway…"

"You're not chickening out, are you, Danvers?"

Kara shook her head, announcing, "No way. Not a chance," and continuing to work on finishing the ice cream.

Only on the last bite did Kara actually get any ice cream on her face, which was pretty much a miracle, considering how fast the ice cream had been dripping.

Lena looked over at her and bit her lip, holding back a laugh.

Once she'd gotten it under control, she husked, "Hey, Four Eyes. Come here."

Kara blinked, not understanding the command, but Lena grabbed the collar of her blouse and pulled her forward. Pushing Kara's glasses slightly further up the bridge of her nose, Lena leaned in and hovered there, just long enough to make Kara's heart race.

"Your glasses were slipping," Lena explained breathily. "And you have ice cream on your lip."

Embarrassed, the blonde instantly started to reach up to wipe her face, but Lena caught her wrist with surprisingly fast reflexes.

"Wait," she whispered. "Allow me?"

Kara froze, not knowing what to say. Was Lena asking to…

"Kara?"

The hero actually shook her head to pull herself back into the moment, making her golden locks bounce around her shoulders.

"No?"

"No. Yes."

"What?"

"Yes… You can… You can get it," Kara finally told her shyly.

Lena's smile was sly and confident, something Kara hadn't seen in a long, long time, but there was something incredibly seductive about it this time, and Kara wasn't sure if her heart was going to explode or stop completely.

All Kara knew was that when Lena's tongue danced across the corner of her lips – taking the ice cream with it and leaving a trail of electrified skin in its wake – she saw fireworks.

And not the Fourth-of-July kind. The huge _,_ colorful, loud, overwhelming magic of Disney World kind that left her completely breathless.

"Lena," Kara gasped, finally regaining her ability to retain oxygen.

Feeling her own heart racing, Lena leaned even closer, resting her elbow on the console, and looked into Kara's eyes as she cupped the girl's cheek in her hand.

"Kara," Lena said with a smile. "That was…"

Then, in stunning unison, they both finished, "Magical."

Eyes wide with surprise and affection, they both laughed. Gaining some of her own bravery, Kara wrapped her arms around Lena and pulled her into a warm embrace. The kind that made Lena feel like she could turn off the heat in the car.

"I should bring you home," Lena said, suddenly pulling away.

Startled, Kara asked, "Did I… Did I do something wrong?"

Lena shook her head, assuring her, "No, sweetheart. It's just late, like you said."

"And… this was okay for you?" the blonde nervously confirmed.

Lena smiled warmly and nodded her head, telling Kara, "This was so much more than okay, Kara. This was… everything. Everything I ever could have hoped for. Everything I never could have even imagined. Everything I thought I'd never have."

"And I'll see you tomorrow?"

Laughing at this, Lena kissed Kara's cheek and told her, "Yeah, honey. Tomorrow morning, bright and early. I'll meet you at your locker."

"Promise?" Kara asked, feeling an overwhelming flood of insecurity flow through her.

"Kara," Lena whispered, pecking the girl on the lips. "I promise."

"You won't change your mind?" the blonde pressed, biting her lip. When Lena shook her head, Kara finally smiled and swallowed her nerves, saying, "Okay," and buckled her seatbelt.

Back at Kara's house, neither wanted to say goodnight.

"Don't go," Kara pleaded, the words pouring out before she could stop them.

 _God, I'm pathetic,_ she was thinking.

"I have to," Lena sighed. "I don't want to, but I have to."

Nodding reluctantly, Kara undid her seatbelt.

"Hey," Lena stopped her, touching her hand. "Don't be sad, okay? I'll see you in like… six hours and 27 minutes."

They both laughed, realizing how late it was and how little sleep they would be getting.

"Goodnight, Lena," Kara whispered, daring to bump noses with Lena and nuzzling her lightly in an automatic gesture of her affection.

"You're cute," Lena told her, beaming from ear to ear.

Kara had never seen Lena smile so much, and it was the most refreshing thing she'd ever experienced.

Seeing Kara blush, Lena husked, "Goodnight, Miss Danvers."

Shivering – and not from the cold – Kara offered a weak, embarrassed smile and got out of the car. As soon as she shut the door, she regretted it and longed to be beside Lena again, but instead of getting back in the car, she looked at Lena and blew her a kiss.

 _Wow. I am a nerd,_ Kara realized, blushing even more as she walked back up to her front door.


	8. Chapter 8

"Where. The hell. Have you. _Been,_ " Alex hissed, standing with her arms crossed in the foyer, waiting for Kara as soon as she opened the door.

"Shit," Kara cursed, looking down. "Listen, I—"

"Where have you been, Kara?!"

"Out, okay! What do you even care? Stop treating me like a child! What are _you_ doing up anyway?"

"I went to check on you and you weren't fucking there. I was worried sick, and you weren't answering your phone."

"I left it here," Kara mumbled. "Now piss off. I'm going to sleep."

"You know what, Kara? You think nobody cares about you, but they do."

Kara blinked and paused for a moment, realizing, "Yeah. You're right. They do."

With that, Kara ascended the stairs, collapsed on her bed, and fell asleep instantly.

~!~!~

In the morning, the hero woke to the sound of Alex banging on her door.

"Get _up,_ brat! You're going to school!" Alex shouted.

To Alex's surprise, Kara called out, "Be right out!"

Looking at her phone for the time, Kara nearly leapt out of the bed, realizing just how late it was. She was going to miss the first bell if she didn't hurry, and that meant she'd miss seeing Lena.

Without thinking anything of it, going completely on impulse, Kara used her super speed to get dressed and ready. After shoveling a bowl of cereal down her throat, she ran out the door to just barely – _barely –_ catch the bus.

~!~!~

Lena was, as promised, waiting at Kara's locker when she arrived.

"You're late," the brunette commented with a smirk.

Kara nodded and said, "Sorry. Woke up late. I was exhausted, I think."

"Me too," Lena said.

Stepping forward, she tucked a bit of blonde hair behind Kara's ear and smiled up at her warmly.

"You look beautiful," Lena told her, not waiting for Kara to say anything back before placing a chase kiss on her lips.

Right. In front. Of the entire. School.

Kara turned a bright shade of red, realizing where they were, but didn't look around. Despite the intellectual knowledge of where they were and what Lena had done, everything had disappeared in that moment.

If there were any doubts in Kara's mind that the previous night had been a dream, they were all fading now.

"Lena," Kara sighed. "Can't we just ditch?"

The brunette laughed at this and shook her head, telling Kara, "You're failing. Bring your grades up. You need to graduate. I'll write you a doctor's note."

"Huh?"

"I'm great at forging things," Lena told her flippantly.

"You what?"

"Shh. Just take this," Lena said, pulling an official-looking pad from her backpack and scribbling a note on it in terrible handwriting that clearly wasn't her typical. "Give that to the staff in the front office and they'll write off your absences."

"Wow… Lena… That's… not right…"

"Come on, Girl Scout. Do you really want to fail? Besides, it's not like you're cheating. You're still going to do your assignments and tests you missed, right? You'll just be a little behind. No big deal."

Kara couldn't really argue with this logic. Lena was right. She was still going to do all the work. Reluctantly, she kissed Lena's cheek and made her way to the front office to deliver the note.

~!~!~

The two were inseparable after that. They met up morning, noon, and night, and even in between classes, stealing kisses at their lockers and passing each other notes over the next few weeks.

Kara read one note in class and instantly regretted it.

_**I like that skirt. It might look better off you, though.** _

Blushing, Kara turned her attention back to the teacher at the front of the class, trying desperately not to think of what was written on the piece of paper clenched tightly in her hand.

In turn, Kara's next note was equally as bold.

_**If you want to see it off me, you should come over tonight.** _

They'd only ever French kissed, so the escalated pace of the note-writing content was somewhat surprising to Kara, but she was happy to rise to the challenge.

~!~!~

"I got you something," Lena said, later that night, upon entering Kara's bedroom.

"What?" Kara asked, looking confused. "But why?"

"Because today it's been—"

"A whole month since we've been together," Kara finished with a smile.

Lena was relieved that Kara actually knew this, as she'd previously been making it sound like she was clueless.

"But why'd you get me something? You didn't have to do that," Kara told her gently, touching her arm.

"Just open it."

Lena handed her a small, box wrapped with a bow on top and waited patiently as Kara stared down at it.

"You gonna stare at it or open it?" Lena said, once her patience had worn down.

"Sorry," Kara mumbled, blushing slightly from embarrassment.

Slowly, her hands moved over the ribbon and began to untie it.

"It's a dildo," Lena joked.

Obviously, by the small size of the package, it wasn't, so Kara laughed hard and shook her head, saying, "You're too much."

"You know… Your laughter is cute… but I bet your screams are hotter."

Kara froze and looked up.

"Sorry… What?"

Smirking, Lena took a step forward and dragged a single, dainty finger down Kara's jaw line.

"I said, I want to hear you scream."

"Lena!" Kara gaped.

"Hey, I'm just being honest here. Now, would you open the gift?"

"Does this have to do with me screaming?"

Lena laughed at this and shook her head, pressing, "Just open it already!"

When the box was finally opened and its top removed, revealing its contents, Kara's mouth fell open. A pair of 24 carat white gold diamond earrings.

"Lena…"

Knowing exactly how expensive they must have been, Kara stared at the box in disbelief.

"Lena."

"Kara, please… Don't fuss. Just… Put them on, would you?"

"Lena, I…"

"Please."

"But these are—"

"VVS."

"Huh?"

"It means the diamonds are structurally flawless."

"Jesus, Lena. Why?"

"Because you deserve them. You deserve everything."

"Lena…"

"Stop saying my name like that," the brunette huffed. "Just… put them on?"

"No," Kara said, pausing thoughtfully. "You do it."

Carefully, Lena moved closer and gently removed Kara's sterling silver cubic zirconia earrings from her ears and inserted the new pair.

"Hey. Check that out," Lena announced, pointing to the wall.

When Kara looked, her eyes went wide. The sparkle from the light hitting the diamonds in her ears was reflecting on the wall and scattering light in all different directions.

"Now you have your very own disco balls in your room," the brunette teased, nudging Kara's shoulder.

"You really didn't have to do this," Kara sighed, sitting down on her bed. "I feel terrible. All I got you was a card."

"Aww, honey… I don't need a gift. I'm just flattered you got me card. I've never dated anyone long enough to get a card for anything… and I certainly don't get them for Christmas or birthdays…"

"Well, you do now," Kara said, beaming. "Open it."

Lena opened the large, 9 by 12 envelope cautiously, tilting her head in confusion as to why the card was so large.

When she removed the contents of the envelope, though, she understood.

Not only was there a regular-sized greeting card, but there was a watercolor portrait as well.

"This… This is me," Lena breathed, staring down at the watercolor.

"Do you like it?" Kara asked anxiously, twisting her hands and fidgeting in place.

Lena sat down beside the blonde, stunned.

"You commissioned this? For me?"

"N-Not… N-Not exactly…"

Looking up into Kara's eyes, Lena noticed the blush on the girl's cheeks and furrowed her brow.

"But then…"

"I painted it," Kara said, the words rushed and pressured as they tumbled from the hero's lips.

"Wait. _You_ painted this?!" Lena gasped. "Seriously?"

"Is it that bad?"

"No! Kara, it's _beautiful!_ I had no idea you were artistic."

"Yeah, well… I'm a jack of all trades, you might say. Except science. I don't have that trade."

Chuckling at this, Lena kissed Kara's cheek and whispered, "You wanna show me what other trades you're good at?"

Kara raised an eyebrow, not one hundred percent clear on what Lena meant… at least, not until Lena's finger traced slowly over Kara's bottom lip. Then Kara knew _exactly_ what she meant.

Nerves getting the best of her, Kara shifted in her seat before leaning in and giving Lena a chaste kiss. Before she could pull away, though, Lena cupped the back of her neck with her hand and held her in place, deepening the kiss, her tongue stroking Kara's hungrily. When Kara moved to pull away, Lena nipped her bottom lip.

"Kara Danvers," Lena said breathily. "Don't you dare stop kissing me."

Gaining some confidence from this, Kara's hands fell to Lena's sides. Before she knew what was happening, she felt Lena's hands covering hers and sliding them upwards, giving her chills.

Heart skipping a beat, Kara allowed Lena to drag her hands over her breasts.

Enthusiastic hands continued to explore for a while, as lips did the same, until Lena's watch alarm went off.

"Shit. Kara, I gotta get home. Mom will kill me if I'm not there for dinner."

"Wait… Lena…" Kara protested breathlessly, staring deeply into Lena's eyes. "Stay with me."

"Kara, I can't. I have to—"

"Call your mom and tell her you're spending a night at someone's house studying."

"She'd never buy that, and she thinks I don't have friends, so…"

"Tell her it's a business exchange then," Kara pressed. "Anything. Just _don't leave_. Please, Lena."

Raising her eyebrow at the desperation in Kara's voice, Lena watched the blonde's features fall into a melancholy frown.

"I don't have anything to wear."

"Wear my clothes!" Kara cried eagerly. "I've got PJs and nice blouses and dresses and—"

"Alright. Alright. Hold on. Let me call my mom and make sure she won't shoot me first."

To their surprise, Lena's mother was okay with the bullshit story Lena offered her via phone and agreed to allow Lena to spend the night.

"Oh, my God," Lena breathed. "It _worked._ "

"Good luck is my superpower," Kara joked, then blushed slightly at how ridiculous the comment was.

"No," Lena argued. "Your superpower is kissing me."

Wearing a confident smile, Kara leaned in and kissed Lena's lips with tender movements, concentrating hard on pulling each and every moan from the girl's lips. Every time Lena let out a whimper of any volume, Kara focused her attention on that exact spot.

Lena was breathing heavily in no time, and as soon as Kara heard it, she gained even more confidence and laid Lena back on the bed, gently cradling her head until it rested on the pillow. When Kara's nimble body moved gracefully to straddle her lap, Lena gasped, looking up at the blonde.

"Take your hair down," Lena pleaded. "I want something to pull."

When Lena reached up to undo the loose ponytail Kara was wearing, the blonde stopped her hand.

"No," she said firmly. "Not the hair."

Slightly confused by Kara's reaction, Lena conceded, "Okay… Well… Get back here then."

Kara, a little unnerved by the previous request, obeyed the second and leaned down. This time, though, her lips fell to Lena's long, pale neck.

"Don't—leave—marks!" Lena gasped, as soon as she felt Kara starting to suck on the skin there, leaving a trail of fire.

"Why?" Kara whispered, lightly biting the shell of Lena's ear. "I want everyone to know you're mine."

It was Lena's turn to blush as she grabbed Kara's hands and pressed them against her abdomen. Feeling how toned Lena's body was made Kara shiver as she felt arousal twist her own stomach into an impossible knot.

"Take this off," she breathed, ignoring Kara's previous comment.

"Are you sure?" Kara asked, suddenly hesitating.

"Kara."

"Are you sure?" the blonde repeated, her gaze stern and serious as she looked down at her partner.

The last thing she wanted was to push Lena into something she wasn't ready for.

Lena nodded and said, "Please."

With graceful hands, Kara slid her fingers under the hem of Lena's shirt and dragged it up over her head as her own chest heaved with the effort of continuing to breathe through her shock.

"This too," Lena said, pressing Kara's hands against her bra.

Kara hesitated again. This was new for her, and she didn't want to make any mistakes.

"Lena…"

"Don't you want me?"

"Yes!" the hero quickly answered, reaching behind Lena's back to expertly unclasp the bra. Then, Kara confessed, "Sorry. I just… got… nervous…"

Lena's gaze softened as she heard these words, and her hand reached up to cup Kara's face as she replied, "Don't be nervous. It's just me. I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise you, Kara."

Feeling herself float deeper off the ground into the clouds of love, Kara said, "Yeah, but I… don't really know what I'm doing…"

Eyes widening, Lena asked, "Kara… are you… are you a virgin?"

Kara nodded slowly and looked away, her cheeks becoming hot.

"Hey. Hey, don't be embarrassed. It's okay," Lena assured her. "Wanna know a secret?"

Kara nodded weakly, so Lena tugged her down until her lips were close to Kara's ear.

"I am too."

"But shouldn't we—" Kara started to protest, but Lena hushed her with a kiss.

Kara let out a soft moan when Lena covered her mouth with her lips.

"I want this with you, Kara," Lena whispered. "I want you to be my first."

"Are you _sure_?" Kara pressed anxiously, gripping the sheets on either side of Lena's body.

"I've never been surer about anything in my life. I want you, Kara Danvers. Please… Take me."

"I…"

"Do it for science," Lena teased, smirking up at her partner.

"For science?" Kara laughed. "That's your job."

"Okay…" Lena conceded, flipping their bodies expertly so that Kara was under her, having caught the blonde by surprise. "I'll do it for science then."

"Jesus, Lena," Kara gaped, staring up at her lover.

"Yes, dear?"

"That… was… fucking _hot._ "

The smolder with which Lena was looking into her eyes was making Kara exceedingly wet. So much so that when they finally got around to removing Kara's shirt and bra, and it was time to remove the lower half of their outfits, Kara was feeling a little embarrassed about taking her skirt off.

"What's wrong?" Lena asked gently, stroking Kara's face.

"I, um… I'm… a little bit… uh…"

Seeing the shyness in Kara's face told Lena exactly what she needed to know.

"You wet, baby?" she cooed seductively, licking her lower lip.

Kara nodded, so Lena slid her fingertips under the waistband of her panties and slowly started to pull down.

"Wait," Kara gasped. "It's—"

"Shh. Kara, you're beautiful. It's okay." When Kara opened her mouth to protest further, Lena stopped, but assured her, "I am too."

Relief washed over the blonde to a degree she could not believe. She felt significantly less stupid now that Lena had confessed the same. Then, she realized, this confession had only made things worse down there. In fact, Kara's panties were soaked, and as soon as Lena felt them, she licked her lips again.

"Oh, Kara. _Babydoll._ You. Are. Perfect."

Blushing brightly, Kara began to squirm, until Lena's fingers pressed against her clit, making her whole body jerk and nearly lift off the bed. The bundle of nerves that was already too sensitive to allow Kara to breathe ached for more.

"Easy," Lena cooed. "I got you."

Kara seemed to be too deliriously aroused to remove Lena's skirt and panties for her, so Lena pressed Kara's hands to her knees and urged her on. Kara, torn back into the present moment, looked down at her hands and slid them slowly up Lena's thighs. Feeling a few bumps beneath her fingertips, Kara felt her heart skip a beat.

"Lena?" she asked gently, carefully pushing Lena's skirt up to her waist and looking down to find the familiar but forgotten deep, red lines covering Lena's inner thighs.

"Oh, fuck," Lena gasped, roughly shoving Kara's hands away and moving to dismount her.

"Lena, wait," Kara said, grabbing Lena's wrist just slightly harder than she'd intended. "Hold on."

"Let me go," Lena said, tears welling in her eyes.

In the moment of bliss, she'd been able to forget her own vices. Now, they were rushing back, and her face was showing every last drop of shame she was feeling.

"Lena," Kara said, gripping the girl's other wrist too. "It's okay. It's okay. Don't—"

But Lena was crying, so Kara immediately let go and sat up, wrapping her arms around Lena and holding her in a tight hug.

"It's okay. Really. I get it. They're not new, though, are they?"

Lena shook her head and whimpered.

Eventually, Lena managed, "I'm disgusting. I'm sorry. I honestly forgot. I didn't mean for you to see them again. Like, ever. And—"

"Shh," Kara cooed. "It's okay. We're gonna get through this together, alright? It's not disgusting."

Looking shocked, Lena stared at Kara and asked, "It's… It's not?"

"No. I want you to stop, baby, but it's not 'disgusting.' It's something you struggle with. I don't want you hurt, Lena, but I understand, and I'm here. I'll always be here. It doesn't make me want you any less."

"It doesn't…?"

"Nope. I still want to tear the rest of your clothes off and make love to you."

Lena blushed, wiped her eyes, and nodded her head, agreeing, "Okay. Do it, then."

"It's not going to hurt?" Kara asked shyly, looking down at the red lines.

Lena shook her head and told her, "No. They're closed wounds. You're not going to hurt me. So… if you still want me… take me."

Knowing all too well how badly she wanted Lena, Kara gathered her courage and made it her mission to give Lena as much pleasure as she could. Urged on by Lena's pleading, hungry eyes, Kara helped her undress the rest of the way, savoring the way Lena's skin felt beneath her fingertips. When Kara kissed her lips, Lena found herself regaining her confidence too.

"Lie back," she directed her.

Kara obeyed.

"Easy," Lena whispered, stroking Kara's cheek with one hand and her clit with another, early a gasp of pleasure from her partner. "Easy, baby," Lena repeated, sliding one finger into Kara's core, making the girl's back arch as she cried out.

The more Lena's little movements teased her, the more intensely Kara felt herself lose all rational thought.

"Lena!" Kara shouted, after this had continued for several minutes, unable to trap the exclamation of the girl's name inside where it probably belonged (at least while Alex was home).

"Yeah, baby. I got you," Lena purred, adding another finger and slowly curling both.

"Oh, fuck," Kara panted, feeling herself stretched wider. "God, Lena, don't stop."

Thumb rubbing Kara's clit as her index and middle curled inwards, Lena continued her loving assault on Kara's body until the hero was panting and gasping for air.

"Lena. Lena, please," Kara begged.

This was exactly what Lena needed. To be urged on. To be pleaded with.

"That's it, baby," Lena cooed, feeling her own arousal drip onto her thighs with every little gasp earned from Kara's lips. "Beg."

"Please. Please. Lena, please. Please. A little harder. Please, baby," Kara babbled, but the harder Lena thrust and curled her fingers, the less and less Kara's pleas sounded like words. Instead, they became a jumbled mess of random syllables and moans.

Then, suddenly, Kara's thighs clenched.

"Shit!" she cried. "Fuck! Lena, I'm gonna—"

"Wait," Lena ordered, mounting Kara's thigh and sliding back and forth over it as her own arousal spread over Kara's skin.

"Oh, _God,_ " Kara groaned, feeling Lena's slickness there. "You're so good to me, baby."

"God's not here right now, baby. Just me," Lena teased. "Now… Say my name."

With that, Lena thrust in deeper and began to rock her hips harder against Kara's thigh until she was nearly at her own peak.

"Lena!" Kara sobbed, upon feeling the deeper curl of her partner's fingers hitting just the right spot inside her. "Lena. Lena, baby, please. Please, don't stop."

Soon, Lena was panting too, letting out soft little whimpers as she rubbed herself against Kara's thigh and continued to dip her fingers repeatedly into Kara's sex.

"Kara," she gasped. "Shit."

"Fuck, Lena," Kara moaned. "I'm gonna cum."

"Cum, baby. Cum for me."

That was all Kara needed to hear to get off, and her orgasm erupted through her like a lightning rod being inserted into her spine, so intense that her back cracked as her bones shifted. Lena's orgasm was similar, but she tossed her head back and whimpered as her climax reached its peak, only serving to further push Kara past the edge of delirium.

When both finally felt the vibrations stop, Lena collapsed on top of Kara and pulled in slow, heavy breaths.

Kara couldn't speak. She was frozen in place, chest heaving.

"You okay?" Lena asked, gently dragging her fingers down Kara's arm with a butterfly's touch.

Kara just nodded, nuzzling the top of Lena's head with her chin to let her know she really was alright.

"Speechless, huh?" Lena teased, scooting up to kiss the girl's lips.

Nodding again, Kara wiped the sweat from her forehead.

"I'm exhausted now," the brunette laughed, as their hearts began to slow.

Kara, of course, stamina-wise, could have gone all night. Lena, though… she was clearly wiped and ready for a long night's sleep.

"Rest," Kara finally managed to say, beginning to slowly rub Lena's back to lull her into relaxing. "I've got you."

"You'll wake me in the morning?"

"Probably not," the blonde joked, kissing the top of Lena's head.

"Hey… Kara…" Lena whispered, after a pause.

"Yeah, honey?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, darling. Oh, and… by the way…" Kara said slowly. "That was the perfect first time. Thank you."

"Don't thank me. That's weird," Lena laughed. "But you're welcome, and I completely agree. We should go again in the morning. I just… need a little sleep first."

Kara nodded and continued rubbing small circles over Lena's bare back until they both fell asleep holding each other.


	9. Chapter 9

Waking up naked in someone else's arms wasn't exactly familiar to Lena, so when she felt the sweat making them stick together and the pressure of her body on Kara's, she gasped, startled, and sat straight up in bed.

"Lena?" Kara asked, quickly waking and sitting up as well as she put an arm around Lena's shoulder.

"I… I…"

"Are you okay? What happened? Bad dream?"

Lena shook her head slowly, looking downward.

"Lena?"

"I, um… I'm just not used to having someone else in my bed. I got… a little… startled…"

"Oh. Shit," Kara breathed. "I'm sorry, Lena. I didn't think—"

"What? No. Don't be sorry," Lena told her sternly, placing her hand on Kara's bare thigh. "I'm okay. Just got spooked. And… kinda surprised that last night wasn't a dream."

"Good dream, though, right?" Kara teased, and Lena nodded.

"Very. Couldn't have asked for a sexier, more radiant woman to have popped my cherry," Lena assured her, grinning.

"Glad to hear it."

"Wanna do it again?"

"Anytime," Kara told her, grinning as she gently pushed Lena back down onto the bed. "Want to try something different?"

"L-Like what?" Lena stammered, feeling Kara's hand slide over her thighs.

"Like, maybe…" Kara whispered. "This?"

Dipping down beneath the covers, Kara dragged her tongue over Lena's exposed opening and paused at the woman's clit. Lena was already arching off the bed, feeling the intense, wet heat of Kara's mouth on her most sensitive area.

"Oh, holy shit," she gasped, when Kara put her whole mouth on the swollen bud. " _Kara_."

"Good girl," Kara purred, placing a strong hand flat over Lena's stomach to hold her still.

Those two words hit somewhere deep inside Lena, a place that drove her crazy, and it urged her to grab on to Kara's long, beautiful locks of hair, which were still pulled back. Groaning at the sensation of having her hair pulled lightly, Kara dragged her tongue along Lena's slit one more time before burying her tongue as deep as it would go into the woman's sex. Lena pulled harder. Not hard enough to move Kara's head away, but hard enough to let the blonde know that whatever the hell she was doing was working. As this continued, Kara quickly realized that she couldn't have asked for a more perfect way to wake up, and that she couldn't have possibly felt more love in her heart than she did for Lena.

Kara's loving touch went on for only a short while before Lena's hips began to thrust upwards, hungrily meeting Kara's tongue. Shortly thereafter, Lena began to whimper softly and gasp for air. At first, the sound of Lena struggling to draw breath caught Kara's attention, and she stopped to look up at her lover to check for signs of a panic attack.

"'M fine, Kara. Don't stop," Lena panted, giving Kara a gentle nudge in the right direction, with pressure on the back of her head.

Smirking at Lena's eagerness, Kara returned to her mission and completed the task with grace. Lena couldn't believe it was Kara's first time doing this, and she nearly said so, but the intensity of her climax caught her off guard and drew a loud cry of surprise from her lips.

"You okay?" Kara asked breathlessly, resurfacing.

Lena nodded.

"Speechless?" Kara teased with a grin.

Lena nodded again.

"Good. That's a first."

Then, Kara dragged two slow, seductive hands up Lena's body and rested them on her breasts before kissing the girl's lips. Lena wasn't sure if it was awkward or incredibly hot to taste her own cum on Kara's tongue, but it was happening, so she allowed herself to get lost in the blissful delirium and kissed back with passion.

"Your turn," Lena finally said, sitting up slowly as she began to recover from the aftershocks of the orgasm Kara had just given her.

Kara shook her head and glanced at the clock, saying, "We gotta go, babe."

"I'm not going," Lena said simply, making Kara laugh.

"Yes, you are, and so am I. Come on. We'll get to sit next to each other on the bus and hold hands."

"Wow, Kara. No homo."

The deadpan look on Lena's face confused the blonde for only a moment before she laughed and shook her head.

" _All_ the homo," Kara replied, smiling broadly as she slipped out of the warm bed in search of the day's outfit.

~!~!~

Downstairs, the two were both shocked and horrified to find Alex sitting at the breakfast table, having expected her to still be sleeping. (The plan had been to sneak out in silence.)

"What the f—" Alex gaped, upon seeing the two enter the dining room and realizing who Kara had brought with her.

As Alex stared, Kara ignored her sister and moved to the cabinets where she poured two bowls of cereal, one for her and one for Lena.

"Kara."

"What?"

"What is she doing here? I mean, I knew you were fucking someone – you were loud as sin – but a _Luthor?"_

Dropping the bowl she was holding in the sink and hearing it shatter, Kara spun around, scowling.

"Alex," she warned. "Shut. Your. Mouth."

"She doesn't belong here, Kara. Luthors are all—"

"Shut _up!_ " Kara screamed.

It was the first time Kara had ever _really_ wanted to hurt her sister. The first time she'd ever been so fiercely protective of anyone.

"She needs to leave."

Lena stood staring, her cheeks hot from awkwardness and embarrassment. More than anything, she hated the thought of anyone but Kara hearing her cum.

"She's not going _anywhere_ until I say so," Kara snarled. "You can shove your bullshit, fucked up judgments up your ass."

"Excuse me?"

"I said—"

"I heard you, you brat. Get. Her. Out of here. _Now._ "

"It's not just your house, Alex, and I'm a grown fucking adult. My partner is who _I_ choose, and there's absolutely _nothing_ you can do to change that."

The fire in Kara's eyes reminded Alex all too clearly that Kara was, through and through, Supergirl, complete with heat vision and several other superpowers. Gritting her teeth, she turned and threw her plate of eggs in the sink, shattering that dish too.

"I love you, but you're making a huge fucking mistake, Kara," Alex asserted. "She'll do to you what Lex Luthor did to Superman, and you'll regret this."

"No, Alex. I won't."

"Alex—" Lena finally interjected, desperately feeling the need to defend herself – and Kara.

"Shut up," Alex growled. "You're not welcome here, Lena. Kara might be infatuated with you, but I'm not."

"I won't hurt her," Lena announced, regaining her typical Luthor confidence. "And if you think you can keep me from her, you are _dead_ wrong."

"Good luck with this one, Kara," Alex laughed. "She's a real piece of work. She's _almost_ convincing. Not quite though. I see right through her. It's just too bad that you don't."

"If you say one more fucking word, Alex," Kara cautioned, "I will end you."

Still laughing, Alex left the room, heeding her sister's advice.

Lena, stunned by Alex's strong reaction, stood dumbfounded.

"You… You defended me," she finally said, her voice distant.

"Of course I did, Lena," Kara told her. "I will always defend you."

Hugging Kara tightly, Lena kissed Kara's cheek and held her close, whispering, "Thank you. Kinda gross that she heard us, though."

"Ugh. Whatever. That's her problem, not mine. I regret _nothing._ "

This earned a smile from the girl's partner as the two pulled apart.

"Let's go," Kara said, glancing at her watch. "We're gonna miss the bus. I'll buy you breakfast at school."

"You don't have to—"

"Let's go."

Rolling her eyes, Lena took Kara's hand and followed her out of the house and to the bus stop.

~!~!~

The two only grew closer – as friends and more – over the next few weeks, stealing kisses between classes and continuing to leave notes in each other's lockers.

Eventually – inevitably – things began to escalate.

"Bathroom," Lena husked in Kara's ear, after a particularly heated kiss at Kara's locker during their lunch break.

"What?" Kara asked dumbly, expression suddenly blank.

"I said… Take me in the bathroom."

"But we've got ten minutes until—"

"Kara," Lena hushed her. "I can cum in five."

Raising an eyebrow, Kara grabbed her hand and dragged her to the nearest ladies' room.

Inside the larger stall – without even thinking to close the door – Kara lifted Lena up and pressed her against the wall by gripping the backs of her thighs and wrapping her legs around her waist.

"Kara," Lena breathed. "You're fucking _strong._ "

"Shh," the hero quieted her, brushing the comment off as she held Lena up without effort. "Unzip."

When Kara palmed her breast with one hand, Lena started to pant as she fumbled with the zipper of her skin-tight jeans. Kara's hands dipped into her panties, thankful for the easier access, making Lena hiccup a gasp, which quickly turned into a moan.

"Lena, shh," Kara chuckled, covering the girl's mouth with a grin.

Lena, though, continued to moan as soon as Kara moved her hand away to put it back in her panties, as Kara was stroking her clit.

"I got you," Kara whispered, when Lena leaned in and bit down hard on Kara's neck to stifle a louder moan.

Moving her fingers faster over Lena's clit brought Lena almost immediately to her peak, given that she'd been wet all day just thinking about Kara touching her. Moments later, her climax shook her, and her body vibrated against Kara, making the hero shiver with desire. Lena's thighs were clenching hard, and that drove Kara wild.

"Your turn," Lena panted, as soon as Kara put her back on her feet.

"No, babe. We gotta go. The bell's about to ring."

Lena wiped the sweat from her brow and told Kara, voice low and sultry, "I'm going to rail you so fucking hard tonight. You can forget about studying. You won't be able to move when I'm done with you."

Eyes wide, Kara blushed.

"Come on. I'll walk you to class."

Of course, Kara was late for her own class, due to the bell ringing right as she dropped Lena off at her room.

"Bye, babe," Kara said with a smile, kissing Lena's cheek.

"Bye, honey. Hurry up and get to class or you're gonna get detention."

Kara shrugged and walked off in a blissful post-intercourse fog.

~!~!~

That night, Lena did as promised, but it was hardly what Kara had expected.

"I have a surprise for you," Lena announced with a triumphant grin, gripping a medium-sized box in her hands.

"Lena, you didn't have to—"

"No. You'll want this, I think."

"Lena—"

"Hush. Just… look."

With that, Kara went quiet, so Lena opened the box and showed Kara its contents.

"Oh, my God," Kara blurted, staring. "Is that… Is that a strap-on?"

Laughing, Lena confirmed, "Yes, Kara. That's what a strap-on looks like."

Kara turned red. Not just any red, though. A deep, hot red.

"Aww, baby," Lena cooed. "You like your present?"

In a stupor as she stared, Kara nodded.

"What was that?" the brunette teased.

"Y-Yes, angel. I like it…"

After recovering from the shock of being called 'angel' for the first time in her life, Lena finally asked, "Why the hesitation?"

"I, uh… I'm just… I've never thought about…"

"I'm not going to hurt you, Kara," Lena promised. "I'll be gentle. I mean… if it's okay. If you want to try. If you're not comfortable—"

"No!" Kara nearly shouted. "P-Please…"

"Please what?"

"P-Please use it on me…"

Raising a surprised eyebrow at Kara's bold plea, Lena leaned in and kissed Kara's soft, pink lips.

"Undress."

Kara didn't nod or confirm, but she immediately obeyed. She pulled down her jeans and tugged her shirt over her head before unclasping her bra, leaving only her panties left.

"Those too," Lena ordered with a smirk, pointing to the deep purple underwear that were covering Kara's most intimate body part that Lena loved so much.

Shyly, Kara slid her panties down past her ankles and kicked them to the side, leaving herself naked. For a long moment – a long, nerve-wracking moment – Lena stared and simply took in the sight of her, savoring every inch of skin. Kara suddenly wondered if Lena had X-ray vision too. Then, Lena approached her and walked her backwards until she stumbled into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Once she was there, Lena removed her own clothes as slowly and seductively as possible before fastening the strap-on around her hips. Kara licked her lips.

"You ready, baby?" Lena purred, playfully stroking the toy between her legs to put on a show for her lover.

"Lena… Don't… Don't tease…"

"How come?" Lena asked, sliding her hands over her own breasts as she crawled between Kara's legs. "I think you like it."

"Because I'm so fucking wet already. Please. Please, Lena. Put it in me."

Feeling her stomach flip from the sound of her lover begging for what she had to offer, Lena moved into position and lined the toy up with Kara's entrance.

"Please," Kara urged her. "I'm ready. So ready for you, princess."

She hadn't meant to call Lena princess – Lena had had a very strong reaction the first time – but it had simply slipped out. This time, to her surprise, Lena didn't react, except to blush slightly and push the toy inside her slowly. Testing the water, Lena began to move when Kara gasped in surprise at just how wide the toy stretched her. The fireworks of their first kiss returned full-force, and Kara felt heat so deep in her core that she thought she was melting from the inside out.

"Fuck, Lena," Kara panted. "More. _Please._ "

Lena obliged, thrusting in deeper, then pulled back again. Soon, she was working up a rhythm with her hips, and Kara was whining beneath her and letting out soft little moans of pleasure that drove Lena wild.

"Good girl," Lena purred, stroking Kara's hair back. "My sweet, sweet girl."

The pressure mounted, both in Lena's thrusts and Kara's core, until Kara was mumbling pleas of 'more,' 'harder,' and 'please,' repeatedly and without restraint. Kara had lost all executive functioning in her prefrontal cortex and felt her brain cells actively dying with every heavy thrust of Lena's hips.

"That's it, baby," Lena breathlessly urged her, rapidly slamming their hips together, creating a gratuitous slapping noise. "Cum for me."

"Fuck!" Kara screamed, feeling the toy hit the deepest spot inside her as her walls began to clench around the shaft.

"Good girl."

Lena was panting from the effort of her thrusts, and Kara was bucking wildly beneath her, completely enraptured by the bliss of every thrust that didn't stop while she rode out her orgasm.

Eventually, Kara was spent – after two consecutive orgasms, since Lena's movements didn't stop when she felt Kara's thighs shake from coming – and her eyes fell shut as her muscles slowly relaxed.

"Holy fuck," Kara breathed. "That was fucking insane."

"I told you I'd rail you into next week."

"Yeah. You did say that. And you were right; I can't move."

Lena smirked and replied, "Good. Just where I want you."

"Let me hold you? I need you against me…"

When Lena nodded, Kara pulled the girl down on top of her and held her tightly as she felt the last of her arousal drip from her core. When the toy was finally pulled out, Lena earned one last high-pitched whimper from Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know I made Alex a bit of a bitch here. Please hear me say that I love Alex and that I have no intent to destroy her character. She's just being an over-protective sister here. Hang in there if you're waiting for more, less unpleasant Alex moments.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far!


	10. Chapter 10

Another month went by, and as the winter faded and the air heated to a more comfortable temperature, all Kara wanted to do was to be outside.

"Let's go for a walk," Kara offered, taking Lena's hand as she rose from her seat in the library. "I'm falling asleep."

"I know," Lena huffed. "Never able to focus on a damn thing."

Kara mumbled, "I'm sorry," and dropped her gaze, so Lena lifted her chin and smiled at her.

When the sunlight hit Kara's face as she lifted her head, Lena felt herself melt like warm chocolate.

"Kara," she whispered, kissing the girl's cheek. "I love you exactly as you are."

"Really?" Kara asked shyly, biting her lip.

Lena nodded, which caused Kara to give a weak smile.

"Let's go," the brunette announced, squeezing her partner's hand and leading her out of the building. Once they were outside together, Lena asked, "So, why'd you quit track and field?"

"I wanted to spend more time with you," Kara answered simply, shrugging her shoulders as they continued to walk.

"What?" Lena gaped, stopping in her tracks. "You quit because of _me?_ "

"Yeah. So?"

"So, you love track!"

"Yeah, well… I love you more, so…"

"Oh, Kara… I wish you hadn't done that."

Again, Kara shrugged and kissed Lena's cheek.

"At least I haven't stepped down from Class President yet."

"You'd better not!"

"Why?"

"Because you have friends. You're a strong, rallying force for the class. You advocate for everyone. They need that."

"I guess so," Kara sighed. "I just want to be with you all the time, Lena."

"Baby… Come on. You need to have a life."

As she continued to walk, not letting go of Lena's hand, Kara thought about the way she'd stepped back from her duties as Supergirl over the past two months. But, hey… Clark liked the spotlight anyway. The ultimate Super. The public liked him best. And he had it under control. At least for now.

Besides… Lena was the sunlight in her life. She'd become the most important person Kara had ever been close to, including her sister.

"I do have a life," Kara finally replied. "You."

"Kara…"

"What?"

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't make me that person."

"Of course you're that person. You'll always be that person."

Stopping again, Lena threw her arms around Kara and held her tightly.

"I love you, Kara Danvers."

"I love you too, Miss Luthor."

Hesitating and pulling away, Lena looked down.

"I hate my last name."

"No," Kara challenged. "You hate what your family has done to it."

With a nod, Lena replied, "That's true."

"But you can make that name whatever you want, Lena. It can be entirely your own. Make _yourself_ proud."

"Are… Are you proud?"

"Are you kidding me?" Kara laughed. "So proud it's stupid. I'm like an overenthusiastic soccer mom!"

Laughing, Lena hugged her again and kissed her lips.

"You're too cute."

"You too, babe."

"Nah…"

"Fine… _We're_ too cute."

Lena grinned at this and nodded her head, grabbing Kara's hand again and continuing their walk.

~!~!~

That night, as always, when Lena dropped Kara off at home, neither wanted to say goodnight.

Though they were physically parted, Lena couldn't stand Kara's absence, so she called the girl around eleven that night.

"Hey, babe," Kara answered the call. "You okay?"

It wasn't like Lena to call so late unless something was wrong.

"Yeah, I just… wanted to hear your voice."

"Good. Me too."

Hearing the smile in Kara's voice, Lena smiled too.

"You're perfect."

" _You're_ perfect, Lena," Kara sighed happily, relaxing against the pillows on her bed. "I miss you."

"Hey, Kara?"

"Yes, love."

"Can I keep you forever?"

"Of course you can, goober. Who else could I ever fall in love with, when you hold my whole heart?"

"Sap," Lena teased.

When Kara replied, "Just for you, baby," Lena blushed.

Then, after a pause, Lena asked, "Hey… Do you want to hang out with me while I do my chem lab homework after school tomorrow? It'll be boring without you."

"I'd love to!" Kara exclaimed, but after a revelation followed, she added, "Shit, babe. I can't. I have a meeting with the class officials tomorrow after school. I can meet you there after that though? The meeting should only be an hour. We're planning out senior prom."

"Prom?" Lena laughed. "Wow."

"What? You know every school ever does it, right?"

"Yeah, well… It's silly."

Kara hesitated, then replied, "It wouldn't be silly if you went with me."

"Oh, um… I… Gee, Kara. I don't know… It's not really my thing, and I—"

"Okay. Sorry," Kara said shortly.

"Hey, don't be like that. I just… I don't dance anymore, okay?"

"Anymore?"

"Um, yeah… Mother used to force me to do ballet."

"You do ballet?"

"I said _used to!_ " Lena snapped. "Now, drop it. Point is, I don't dance."

"Okay," Kara sighed, her tone betraying her disappointment. "I should go."

After a long bout of silence, Lena said, "Kara, wait."

"Yeah?"

"I'll go with you."

"What? Really? You will?!" Kara cried, sitting straight up in bed from the excitement of Lena's change of heart.

"Yeah, but don't make a big deal out of it! And I swear if they crown you prom queen…"

"Uh… I mean… I kinda voted for you already."

"KARA!"

"Just kidding!" Kara howled with laughter. "I know you'd assassinate me."

"You fucking better not."

"We're not even voting yet. It starts Monday."

Lena paused, then asked, "Who are you voting for?"

"I dunno yet. I mean, the only lady I want to see in a crown is you, darling."

Eyes wide, Lena felt her mouth go dry and her world fade from consciousness.

"Lena? You with me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here."

"Thank you… Thank you so, so much. Honestly, I've been thinking about this we got together. It would really be a dream come true to see you walk in in a beautiful gown and just…"

"What?"

"Tear it off you at the end of the night."

Blushing, Lena replied, "You'd better not tear my best dress."

"You already know what you're wearing?!" Kara gaped, shocked.

"I have a dress in mind, yes. What about you?"

"I, um… I actually wanted to mention that…"

"Okay… Shoot."

"I only have skirts… Will you help me pick out a dress?"

Chuckling, Lena told her, "It would be my pleasure, dear."

"Fuck yes! I am the luckiest girl alive!"

"Oh, please. Quit making it a big deal."

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you," Kara said, her words of gratitude pouring out rapidly.

"Enough. Go to sleep," Lena laughed. "You're really too much, Kara."

"Alright, alright. I'll stop. Thank you, though. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Nothing in the world could keep me away."

Sighing happily, Kara said goodnight and ended the call upon Lena doing the same.

~!~!~

The next day after school, Kara ran all the way to the chemistry room. She was 15 minutes later than she'd promised.

Luckily, Lena was still sitting at the table, diligently focused on the experiment she was conducting over the Bunsen burner.

"I am _so_ sorry," Kara blurted, as soon as she made it to the doorway. "The meeting ran late and I couldn't leave. I didn't mean to—"

"You're fine, Four Eyes," Lena said affectionately, smiling up at her. "Sit down. Watch this."

Kara sat down beside her partner and looked at the materials with interest.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing to a powder.

"Oh, nothing," Lena said smoothly, wearing a smug grin. "Just some exceptionally hazardous materials I'm going to use to ace my year-end project."

"Uh… Lena…"

"Wear these," Lena ordered, shoving safety goggles and a lab coat into Kara's hands.

Hesitating, Kara took the lab coat and goggles and put them on as directed.

Lena smiled brightly at her, and Kara returned her attention to the experiment at hand.

"Lena…" she said slowly. "Be careful."

"Yeah, yeah," Lena laughed. "I know what I'm doing, Four Eyes."

Biting her lip as Lena started the chemical reaction, Kara watched. Then, when the loud bang of a chair falling over in the next room echoed through the hallway, Lena jumped, knocking over the beaker and spilling the toxic acid all over the counter and splashing it sideways. To Kara's horror, it ended up covering her own arm and burning through the lab coat in seconds, leaving Kara's unburned skin on display for Lena to see.

 _Oh, fuck,_ she was thinking, knowing all too well that her lack of apparent injury would give everything away.

"Kara?" Lena asked, the acid forgotten as she stumbled off the stool and took several steps back.

There was only one woman Lena could think of who could have survived that spill unscathed.

"Lena. Lena… Listen. I—"

"Oh, my God," the brunette breathed. "You're… You're Supergirl." Then, after a brief pause where shock bled into fury and a deep sense of betrayal, Lena screamed, "HOW? How could you not tell me?! How could you fucking _keep this_ from me?!"

"Lena. Lena, please. I was just trying to keep you—"

"Don't. Don't fucking—" Lena started, but found that the ache in her chest stopped the rest of the words she so desperately wanted to scream.

She was having a panic attack, and they both knew it. Kara, temporarily unfazed by Lena's rage, approached her quickly and tried to grab her hands.

"Lena, it's okay. Breathe. Breathe—"

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

Lips parting, Kara stared as her eyes began to well with tears.

"Get out," Lena said, voice dark and low.

The Lena Kara knew wasn't there. She was somewhere Kara couldn't reach.

"Get OUT!" Lena screamed, starting to sob as she fell to her knees clutching her chest.

"Lena, I'm not leaving you like this," Kara asserted, struggling to stop her own tears. "I'm sorry. I didn't think—"

"Get the _fuck_ away from me, _Supergirl,_ " the brunette hissed darkly, desperately struggling for air.

"Lena—"

"Out! _Now!_ "

Tears suddenly unrestrained by Lena's conviction and the hatred Kara heard in her voice, the hero reluctantly stumbled out of the classroom and left the building. Without caring for who saw – luckily, no one did – Kara took off, flying back home with tears still streaming rapidly down her pale cheeks.

~!~!~

"Kara?" Alex questioned, upon seeing a sobbing Kara step through the front door. "What's wrong?" Kara collapsed to her knees and covered her face in her hands, so Alex pressed, "Kara, what happened?"

"She found out," Kara choked out. "She knows, and now she hates me."

"Oh, fuck, Kara," Alex breathed, kneeling beside her sister. "I know you're hurt, honey, but… but Luthors have always hated Supers. Always. I told you this wouldn't be different. I—"

"I don't need a fucking 'I told you so' right now, Alex! And just so you know, she doesn't hate Supergirl. She hates _me_ because I've been hiding from her."

Eyes wide, Alex asked, "Really?"

" _Yes,_ " Kara moaned. "I'm the biggest piece of shit. I don't even deserve to be stepped on and stuck on the bottom of her shoe. I hate myself, Alex. I _hate_ myself."

"Oh, honey… This will pass, okay? Take a deep breath. It'll pass. You'll be okay."

"NO!" Kara screamed, feeling Lena's rage filling her too. "You don't fucking get it, Alex."

"What don't I get?" Alex questioned. "Teenage heartbreak? You know I've—"

"No. This," Kara said, wiping her tears roughly on the back of her hands before pulling a small velvet box from the backpack she'd dropped on the floor beside her.

When Alex caught the box that was thrown at her full-force, she let out an audible gasp, upon opening it and seeing the ring there.

"Oh, fuck," she breathed. "Kara… I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought this was just a—"

"A what? A phase? That I'd just wake up and get over her?" the blonde hissed back. "I'll never be over her, Alex. I was going to ask her at prom."

"Sweetie… I know you're upset, but you've got to—"

"Don't tell me what I have to do!" Kara shouted, slamming her fits on the floor, unintentionally cracking the wood flooring.

"Okay. Okay, I'm sorry," Alex said quickly, upon realizing the extent of her sister's rage. "I'm sorry. Come here, okay? Just… let me hug you."

"Don't touch me," the hero shot back, pulling away, but Alex moved closer and wrapped her arms tightly around her sister.

They didn't always get along. They didn't always agree. But they definitely always loved each other.

Kara fell forward, sobbing into Alex's shoulder as the two sat on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I'm a terrible human! But it had to happen sometime... Stay tuned to see if I can fix these useless goobers!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning reminder for violence.

Kara spent the next day resorting to broken-hearted habits and locking herself in her room, but Alex continued to hound her about going to school the following day, so eventually, she responded.

"I can't see her, Alex," Kara said through the locked door. "I can't see her."

"You're never going to feel better if you don't move past this."

Kara knew Alex was right, but that wasn't the point. The point was that she had no desire or intention to give up on Lena, or to release herself from the pain of guilt that overflowed within her. She didn't want to feel better. She just wanted Lena to forgive her. But how could she? How could Lena ever forgive her from keeping something so life-changing from her?

Yes, Kara knew why she'd hidden the truth from Lena, but now she wished she hadn't. Her lie-by-omission had ruined _everything._ Everything that had made her happy. Everything that had made _Lena_ happy. And Kara couldn't live with that.

After another day had passed, despite her misery, Kara did manage to get herself in the shower and went back to school. Every time she saw Lena in the hallway, she felt the familiar pangs of excruciating pain shooting through her, and she didn't dare to approach. She wasn't going to give up on her, but she definitely wasn't going to push her buttons either. She just kept praying that Lena would say something – anything – to her, or even just send a text message. Anything.

But Lena remained silent and cold and avoided Kara's gaze whenever they were anywhere close to each other, which wasn't often, as Lena was actively trying to duck her.

~!~!~

Eventually, Lena's strategy of avoidance failed. Mostly because Kara had heard the unmistakable sound of gunshots going off in the hallway during her second-period English class.

 _No way,_ Kara thought. _Not here. Not now._ Then, _Fuck. Lena._

Disappearing from the classroom before the teacher had a chance to barricade the students in the room behind the heavy wood door, Kara hurried to the nearest utility closet and took only a moment to change into her suit.

One done, Supergirl emerged, bursting into the hallway. Wasting no time, she flew through the hallways using X-ray vision to examine any suspects. She found none on the first floor. At blurring speed, Supergirl ascended the staircase to the second level and ran directly into the assailant. A senior sporting an AR-15 and a pistol on his hip. Without hesitation, completely on practiced instinct, Supergirl used her heat vision to eviscerate the weapons before cuffing and immobilizing the man for the police to bring in, with remarkable speed. Without waiting for the cops to show up, Supergirl sped to the back of the second-floor hallway, all the way to where she knew Lena would be: her AP U.S. history class.

The door, of course, was barricaded shut by then, so Kara used her heat vision to melt the hinges and tear the door down, pushing the desks out of the way with ease. She found Lena in the corner, clutching her chest. The other students looked terrified, but Lena was clearly far beyond that, to the point of a panic attack. Kneeling in front of her, Supergirl reached to take Lena's hands.

Lena, past the point of self-control, screamed, "Don't touch me!" earning stares of shock from her classmates.

"Lena—" Supergirl tried. "Are you—"

"Get away from me!"

Lena's chest was heaving from the effort of breathing through the attack as her heart raced.

Kara had no choice but to leave. Lena was a strong girl. She could take care of herself, at least through a panic attack. Supergirl herself had taught her how. Still, it tore Kara apart to leave the building as she watched police pour inside in droves. All she could think was, _Thank God she's not hurt._

~!~!~

"You saved lives today," Alex commented, sitting beside her sister at the table. "I'm proud of you."

Kara shook her head and mumbled, "Supergirl saved lives. I'm just glad no one got hurt. He managed to fire three shots, and none made contact with a body. Just some minor property damage."

"I'm glad too. And I'm glad _you_ didn't get hurt."

When Alex put her arms around Kara's shoulders, the blonde sighed.

"Thanks, Alex."

With that, Kara left the table, dinner forgotten, and retreated to her room.

~!~!~

"So, what are you going to do for the talent show this year?" Alex asked her sister over breakfast the next morning, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted and casual.

"I'm not," Kara said simply, staring down at her bowl of soggy cereal and making a weak effort to ignore Alex.

"What are you talking about? Kara, you always do the talent show."

"Not this year."

"Come on, hun. Please?"

"No, thank you." With that, Kara rose from her seat on the stool at the kitchen island and left the house to catch the bus.

Half-way to the school, Kara realized she'd forgotten her backpack.

"Fuck," she cursed, rubbing her temples. "Of course. Why not? Not even gonna bother to ask 'why me.'"

When she noticed the three students near her staring as she talked to herself, Kara went silent.

 _Great,_ Kara thought. _Now they think you're a looney._

Overwhelmed by the exhaustion of three nights without sleep, on top of unending emotional turmoil, Kara rested her head on the seat in front of her and drifted off.

"Hey. Danvers," the bus driver barked, tearing Kara from her slumber.

"Shit," Kara cursed, grabbing her bag and stumbling towards the exit. "Sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, kid. Just get off the bus, alright? I got places to be."

Nearly tripping as she took the last step onto the asphalt of the parking lot, Kara walked into the school with her head down.

In her first period class, Kara's phone went off. She almost didn't look, knowing it wouldn't be Lena, but just in case, she glanced down at her lap. It was from Alex.

' _ **You should do the show, Kara. You're talented. Please, do it. It'll make you feel better. Oh… and be safe. I love you.'**_

Kara paused at this, staring down at the message and considering her sister's words.

"Miss Danvers," the teacher interrupted her thoughts. "If you can't pay attention in class, you can pay attention to a lecture from the principal. Is that clear?"

Kara nodded weakly, shoved the phone into her pocket, and answered, "Yes, ma'am."

Unfortunately for Kara, the rest of the class – chemistry – was a blur. All she could think about was Lena.

~!~!~

A week passed, and Alex continued to hound Kara about the talent show.

"Come on, Kara. Please."

Kara ignored her sister and went upstairs to her room.

Finally, it was the last day to audition and sign up for the talent show, and the conflict inside Kara came to a head.

She stood outside the drama room door at the school, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, agonizing over the decision.

Then, Kara stepped into the room.

The final straw?

_Lena might be there._

~!~!~

Of course, Kara passed her audition.

She'd never been nervous to perform before, but the unlikely chance that Lena would be in the audience made her stomach turn – just the way it had when they first kissed. That being the case, Kara had hoped she could be first on stage, just to get it over with. Instead, they put her on last.

'You're the best we've got, Danvers. Gotta go out with a bang," the drama teacher had told her.

Kara was starting to regret auditioning in the first place.

But it was too late. It was her turn to go on.

Gripping the neck of her acoustic guitar tighter than usual, Kara stepped up onto the stage.

The first person she saw in the audience upon sitting down on the stool at center stage was her sister, Alex, giving her a small wave from the front row.

Kara almost felt happy, seeing Alex there to support her, but without Lena…

Sighing and trying not to look as sullen as she felt, Kara positioned the guitar on her lap and her fingers on the correct frets.

Then, just as she was strumming the first chord, Kara saw her.

_Lena._

She hiccuped a breath before the words came out, just in time to hit the first beat, staring directly into the brunette's bright eyes as the girl sat a few seats away from Kara's sister. Then, she sang.

' _And if all the flowers faded away  
And if all the storm clouds decided to stay  
Then you would find me  
Each hour the same  
Cause she is tomorrow  
And I am today_

_Cause if right is leaving  
I'd rather be wrong  
Cause she is the sunlight  
The sun is gone_

_And if loving her is  
Is heartache for me  
And if holding her means  
That I have to bleed  
Then I am the martyr  
Love is to blame  
Cause she is the healing  
And I am the pain_

_She lives in a daydream  
I don't belong  
Cause she is the sunlight  
The sun is gone'_

Kara finished the song, just barely, without stammering, even though her heart was slamming in her chest.

The crowd of high schoolers and their parents erupted into applause, but all Kara could feel was nausea. Lena had heard her. Lena had probably even seen the single tear that steamed down her cheek at the final verse.

But just as Kara stood up to leave the stage, Alex called out, "Do another one, Kara!"

A few other people shouted "Encore!" to the point where Kara felt almost awkward about walking away. Biting her lip, she sat back down on the stool, locking eyes with Lena again.

"Okay," Kara said into the mic. Then, committing to five seconds of bravery, she announced, voice shaking, "This one's for Miss Lena Luthor…" Then, after a pause of hesitation, she added, "The only girl I've ever loved," before strumming the guitar to start the song.

Kara never took her eyes off Lena as she sang:

' _Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
It's not warm when she's away  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
And she's always gone too long  
Anytime she goes away_

_Wonder this time where she's gone  
Wonder if she's gone to stay  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
And this house just ain't no home  
Anytime she goes away_

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
Only darkness every day  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
And this house just ain't no home  
Anytime she goes away'_

As soon as she strummed the last note and the crowd stood to applaud, Kara noticed Lena disappearing into the back of the room. Feeling her heart sink and her stomach churn like butter, Kara gave a half-hearted wave to the audience and left the stage.

In the left wing, she sat down on the steps and started to cry.

This continued until she heard footsteps near her, which caused her to rapidly wipe her eyes and try to look up. She was sure it was Alex coming to congratulate her on a great performance, as always, and the last thing she wanted was for her sister to see her cry.

But it wasn't Alex.

"Lena?" Kara asked in disbelief, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

Hesitating only a moment, Lena nodded and knelt down in front of Kara, taking the girl's hands.

"Kara," Lena said, the tone of her voice clear and strong. "Do you really love me?"

" _Yes,_ " Kara breathed, the word tumbling out of her mouth without pause.

"Then why? Why would you keep it from me? Why would you lie?"

"I had to keep you safe, Lena," the hero told her, rubbing the last of the tears from her eyes. "I couldn't risk you getting hurt. I almost lost you once. That can never happen again."

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I miss you, Lena," Kara sighed. "I miss my best friend."

Feeling her heart swell – having wanted to hear nothing but these words for days – Lena sat down beside Kara on the steps.

"I love you, Kara Danvers," Lena vowed, taking the girl's hand in her own. "And I miss my best friend, too."

Kara offered a weak smile, feeling herself tear up again – this time from relief – but Lena reached up and wiped away the two tears that dripped down from her eyes.

"Shh. It's okay, sweetheart. I'm here."

"I'm sorry, Lena. I'm really, really sorry."

Lena nodded and told her, "I accept your apology, and I forgive you. Just… promise me you'll never keep anything from me again, okay?"

"Nothing except surprise presents," Kara promised.

" _No_ surprises! I hate surprises!" Lena protested with a scowl.

Kara just laughed and hugged the girl tightly in her arms, holding her close.

In her ear, Lena whispered, "I love Supergirl, too, you know."

Eyes going wide, Kara pulled away and stared at Lena.

"You do?"

"I love all of you, Kara. And besides… she brought me out of my first panic attack ever. But, like I told you a long time ago… Kara Danvers… _you_ are my hero."

Kara smiled at this, broad and bright, and kissed Lena's lips, the two of them re-sealing their commitment to each other in one symbolic, explosive, sappy, firework moment.

"So, um…" Kara said softly, pulling away with reluctance. "Do you, um… Will you still go to prom with me?"

Wiping a few of her own stray tears from her cheeks, Lena nodded.

"Yes. Just promise you won't go as Supergirl."

Laughing lightly, Kara kissed her cheek and said, "I promise."

~!~!~

Lena helped Kara pick her dress but refused to show Kara her own.

"It's a surprise," she'd told her.

"But you hate surprises," Kara whined.

Lena laughed and countered, "Not _giving_ surprises. Just getting them."

Kara felt her stomach turning slightly, knowing she had her own surprise for Lena.

~!~!~

When it was finally prom night, Kara paced anxiously back and forth in her living room.

"Hey. Relax," Alex urged her. "You'll be okay."

Decidedly _not_ relaxing, Kara continued to pace until there was finally a knock at the door.

"Well?" Alex asked, noticing her sister staring dumbly at the front door without moving. "Are you gonna let her in?"

With a weak nod, Kara swallowed her anxiety – well, most of it – and approached the door, opening it slowly. As soon as she saw Lena, she felt all air leave her lungs, the sight knocking the wind out of her. Lena's tightly-fitting black dress, sparkling in the dim light of the foyer, made Kara's mouth water.

"God, Lena," she breathed. "You look… radiant."

Lena blushed, her pale Irish cheeks turning pink at the compliment as she reached out, took Kara's hand, and kissed the back of it.

"As do you, my lady."

Also blushing, Kara leaned in and kissed Lena deeply, cupping the back of her neck in her hand to hold her still.

"Get a room, guys!" Alex shouted.

But she was sporting a grin, and when Kara saw it, she was relieved to see that Alex had come around, at least somewhat.

"Come on, sweetheart," Lena offered, tugging on Kara's hand. "We're gonna be late."

Kara nodded, still staring, astounded by just how stunningly lovely Lena looked. Quite the surprise indeed.

As soon as they arrived at the dance, Lena began to feel nervous.

"Kara," she whispered, leaning close to the girl's ear. "I really can't dance."

"I'll teach you," Kara told her with a smile. "Just follow my lead."

Without waiting for permission, Kara took Lena's hands and pulled her close, then got in the position to dance to the music, feeling grateful that it had started with a slow song.

After getting at least a little more comfortable with the simple movements, Lena allowed their cheeks to brush, and Kara pressed her hand a little firmer against Lena's lower back. Hips pressed together, they swayed until the second song was over.

Luckily for both of them, Lena loosened up after a few more normally paced songs and was able to laugh brightly when Kara told her jokes and teased her for being too serious.

Then, it came time for them to sit for dinner. Lena ate gracefully, and Kara found herself enthralled by every elegant movement as she lifted her fork to her lips and chewed slowly. She stared longer than normal, but Lena was too focused on not getting food on her dress to actually notice, which Kara was glad for.

Eventually, when everyone was done eating, one of the students got up on stage and announced, "Alright, people. Time to announce prom king and queen!"

To no one's surprise, Kara was crowned Prom Queen.

On the stage to accept the crown, Kara hesitated.

"So…" she said, starting her obligatory acceptance speech. "I know I'm supposed to talk about what an honor this is, but honestly… I'm really just excited to have the mic – and the crown – because… Well…"

Climbing off the stage still holding the mic, Kara approached the table where a beaming Lena was sitting and slowly removed the crown from her own head and carefully placed it on Lena's. Then, to everyone's shock, Kara got down on one knee.

Taking a deep, shaky, terrified breath, Kara announced, "Lena Luthor, you are the true queen. I pale in comparison and blush in your sunlight. And I'm excited to have the mic, because tonight, I wanted to ask you… to be my wife."

Lena's mouth hung open as she stared at Kara, who was holding out a small, black velvet box with a shimmering diamond ring displayed as the box opened.

"Oh, my God," was all she could manage, and she repeated this several times before Kara had to prompt her for an answer.

"Lena Luthor," she said, regaining her confidence. "My sunlight… Will you be my wife?"

Tears pouring over onto her cheeks, Lena covered her mouth and nodded enthusiastically, causing Kara to grin, drop the mic, and hug her tightly, saying, "I love you, Lena."

"I love you too, Kara," Lena sniffled. "Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been quite a journey, hearing from all of you and getting feedback from people. All your kind words and interest have motivated me to move forward with my writing and have inspired me to keep trying... even when I have writer's block. All I can say is thank you all so much.
> 
> I'm sorry to say that your next chapter will be short... and the last. It will be an epilogue that I hope you all can enjoy. Thank you again for sticking with me on this ride.
> 
> The songs used in this chapter are: "She is the Sunlight" by Trading Yesterday, and "Ain't No Sunshine," originally performed by Bill Withers, as covered acoustically by Kris Allen.


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. Full disclosure, posting this week is going to be pretty painful for me, but I think it’s good timing for this story, so I’m going to do it anyway. I had written this story for my now ex-fiancé. Now that that’s over, it hurts to read this. So I’m probably going to post it and forget about it and at least TRY to focus on other stories… if I have it in me to write at all.
> 
> I want to say thank you to everyone who has read and commented and supported me through this story, and I hope this ending doesn’t disappoint. Sorry it’s short, but it felt appropriate for the story. Thank you again to everyone who has read and given support. I’ll do my best to keep posting for other stories, just not sure when.

**EPILOGUE: TWO YEARS LATER**

"Uhm…" Kara whispered, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "You, um… You still like me, right?"

Eyes going wide as an affectionate smile spread over her lips, Lena chuckled and said, "Kara, it's our wedding day. Of course I do."

When Kara blushed and continued to avoid her piercing green eyes, Lena reached out and touched her hand.

"Kara… We're not even supposed to see each other yet," the brunette sighed, the smile still tugging at the corner of her lips.

"But you look so beautiful," Kara confessed, carefully lifting her gaze.

"Hey!" Lena cried, shocked to see tears in Kara's eyes. "What's the matter?"

"N-Nothing," the hero sniffled, finally wearing her own smile. "I'm just… so in love with you, Lena…"

At this, Lena pulled the blonde into her arms and held her there as Kara's chest began to rise and fall sporadically, betraying the fact that she had fully begun to cry.

"I can't believe I almost lost you," Kara said, tears falling onto the shoulder of the white wedding dress Lena was wearing.

"Kara," Lena whispered, lifting the woman's chin to wipe away her tears with her thumbs. "You didn't lose me, and you never will. Today is the beginning of our forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending inspired by a Tumblr prompt. Thank you all again for reading! Feel free to comment and let me know if you liked the end.


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